Boxer Light & American

In the fight against good taste, these beers are the champs.

I’m a Yard Beer Anthropologist. Or I would be, if that was actually a thing and not something dumb I invented to justify my weakness for trying beers I should really know better about.

The latest two are Boxer Light and American. Before I came across them in the liquor store, I’d never heard of either one, but I was intrigued by both.

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Red Balloon

You don’t have to be a regular to sing here, but it helps.

In search of some cheap eats and karaoke airtime, we did Guys’ Night at Red Balloon last month.

Alas, the karaoke was a bust. In our experience the KJ sang three out of every five numbers and called up the regulars before giving any new blood a shot. Fair enough -- your place, your rules.

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Ophelia's Restaurant & Inn

Living large on a two-risotto night. 

Shaw and I were excited to attend Ophelia’s Restaurant & Inn last week for a sampling of Executive Chef Bobby Stearns’ new menu. Situated near the Jackson County Courthouse, as I drove past all the storefronts of the local shops and restaurants in Independence Square, I thought it might not be so bad to be called for jury duty. Except, of course, for the actual juroring.

Walking into Ophelia’s, I was shown to the bar and ordered a Manhattan. While sipping on my drink, I noticed a few of the other guests were having what I was told was a Yellow Cake Martini. Apparently it’s a house specialty, so maybe I should’ve tried that. But with its stark interior and dark wood, Ophelia’s strikes me as more of a classic cocktail kind of place.

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Haus

Who’s haus? Bier’s haus.

A couple of months ago, a bunch of co-workers came back from having lunch at Haus and told me they’d just had the best fries ever. That’s right -- ever.

Clearly, I had to try these fries for myself, and while I don’t know if they’re the best, they are excellent. Haus somehow pulls off a crispy exterior with a chewy center, the result of a two-stage frying method involving a brine and possibly dark wizardry.

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Los Tules

Loosely translated, “Lost tools.” (I know roughly enough Spanish to get me stabbed in Mexico.)

What’s better than a happy hour with $1 tacos? A happy hour with $1 tacos that’s four hours long. Welcome to Los Tules, Mondays through Wednesdays from 4 to 8 p.m.

These are seriously awesome tacos, too. They’re fried-shut corn tortillas filled with ground beef, then garnished with a ton of cheese and lettuce. For maximum cheese delivery, turn your taco parallel to the ground and eat it like a stuffed nacho. Never let cheese go to waste.

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Twisted Doughnut

Finally, a doughnut shop for the crazy, mixed-up world of today.

Who’s got two thumbs and is bonkers for doughnuts? My daughter, that’s who. So for a fun Saturday morning treat, I took her to Twisted Doughnut, Kansas City’s newest doughnuteria.

Twisted Doughnut is from the brains behind Smallcakes, and shares space with that cupcakery’s original location. They’ve got some unusual varieties of doughnuts and long johns, a few of which involve bacon. Then they’ve also got your everyday glazed and cake doughnuts -- you know, for all the squares and lame-o dweebyheads.

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Hiland Light

‘Land, no.

How cheap is Hiland Light? It’s so cheap that even I think it’s nasty.

And seriously, at $4.99 for a 20 pack, Hiland Light may be the cheapest beer I’ve ever had. I’m pretty sure the last time I bought Meister Brau it was at least $2.89 for a sixer, and that was in the ‘90s.

I found Hiland Light at the Missouri Lukas Liquor. They had a few small sample glasses out, and it tasted fine enough to bring home for a trial run as the cheap beer of the house -- after all, at 25 cents per can compared to 48 cents for a Natural Light (case of 24 for $11.49), that’s a savings of $4.60. Or in other terms, about three Taco Bell Beefy 5-Layer Burritos.

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