Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 4)

This would’ve been much easier if White Castle served crepes.

Rooster

The one thing Kelly really wanted to get on this trip was crepes, and out of all the creperies we could find online, Rooster definitely seemed the most intriguing. It looked to be a hip little place downtown, and quite frankly, the websites for the other creperies were kind of sad and Rooster had a pretty cool logo. Decision made.

Looking over the menu, I thought real hard about the savory brie crepe with roasted spiced apples, but ultimately went with the G.B.L.T. ($7.95) It’s filled with goat cheese, bacon, romaine lettuce and tomato -- and come on, you can’t go wrong with goat cheese and bacon. While typing this, I actually just remembered what G.B.L.T. usually stands for. Wonder if that’s intentional.

Kelly got hers with Nutella and strawberries ($6.95), and when our crepes arrived, we had to stop and admire them for a minute. They were so artfully constructed, we almost felt bad cutting into them. Almost. When we finally did take and trade bites of each, we agreed they were both outstanding. Just look at that bacon peeking out the end of mine.

And while I’m sure the following is true of Kansas City and other cities during the weekend, the streets of downtown St. Louis this morning were eerily quiet and deserted. It was like the daytime scenes in "I Am Legend." Creepy.

I’d probably risk death by vampire for the chance to try that brie crepe, though.

White Castle

After a trip to Trader Joe’s, it was finally FINALLY time to go to White Castle. How I made it 36 hours in St. Louis without going to White Castle, I’ll never know. So we hopped on the highway, figuring for sure we’d stumble across one.

Not so much.

We drove and drove, and I was starting to get seriously nervous. Eventually we stopped for directions at a gas station. While the people working there were no help, lucky for me a guy buying one of the biggest sodas I’ve ever seen was able to tell us how to get to not just one but the three closest White Castles.

When we got there, I couldn’t run to the counter fast enough. I ordered a Sack Meal 1 -- four Sliders (add cheese), crinkly fries and a soda ($5.45). The guy in line behind me got a Crave Case to go ($17.75, without cheese). That’s 30 burgers to take with him, packed in a sweet cardboard briefcase. I was beyond jealous, and would’ve gotten a Crave Case myself to bring back to KC if the practice of freezing and reheating sliders didn’t sound so iffy. (The website also has instructions for making White Chili Castle. Now that’s something I’d like to try.)

Kelly did it wrong and got a couple of chicken sandwiches. Whatever. At Krystal, sure -- especially if the Spicy Chik is an option -- but when it comes to White Castle, it’s all about Sliders and Sliders only.

Of course, right after we got back on the highway, we passed like three more White Castles. Kelly was adamantly opposed to stopping for round two, though.

Good thing a return trip to St. Louis may soon be warranted. For one thing, The Bangles are playing at The Pageant on May 2, right across the street from Pi Pizzeria. Different Light has been one of my favorite records ever since sixth grade. I know -- T-U-F-F, right?

Another reason is that we picked up some Trader Joe’s Cinnamon Schoolbook Cookies that are shaped like letters for the kiddo, and she’s big into them. So big into them that I’m a little nervous about the fury she might unleash when we run out.

Yes, we’re going to need to go back.

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Rooster: 1104 Locust Street | St. Louis, MO 63102

Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 3)

Rollin’ down the street, sipping on Gin & Squirt. (Laid back, and so forth.)

Gian-Tony's Ristorante
Forty-five minute wait? No problem! We’ll just have a seat at the bar.

To be honest, I’d be a little disappointed and a lot suspicious if we were able to get a table right away. Besides, the wait is a big part of the whole Italian restaurant experience for me -- talking to the bartender, people watching and all that. And I’m glad to say that we had a great time here at Gian-Tony’s Ristorante, even if my entrée turned out to be okay at best. More on that in a minute, though.

Sitting at the end of the bar, Kelly and I opened up the wine list to take a look. Seeing as how Gian-Tony’s descriptions were crazy eloquent, I’ll just go ahead and repeat what it said about our selections.

• Sterling Vintner's Collection Cabernet Sauvignon: "Distinctive aromas of ripe blackberries, pepper, toast and hints of smoked meats are followed by subtle notes of light chocolate mint and vanilla."
• Villa Rozzi Nero D'Avola: "An intense inky red, the Nero D'Avola seductively reveals a gorgeous perfume of blackberry liqueur, white flowers and a hint of figs delivered in a leather basket."

After reading that, one of us was totally obligated to get the Villa Rozzi. It was practically made for us, since Kelly and I so often show up on our friends’ doorsteps bearing leather baskets full of white flowers and figs. It’s kind of our thing.

Both the Villa Rozzi and the Sterling Vintner lived up to the hype taste-wise. Then, 45 minutes right on the dot later, we were seated.

As mentioned, I didn’t much care for my entrée. I ordered the Seafood Ravioli ($15.25), which per the menu is “Stuffed with shrimp, crab and clam, finished in a light tomato sauce with white wine, butter, garlic and diced bay scallops.” It’s not like it tasted bad -- it just didn’t taste like anything at all, and the sauce was barely there.

The Polla Alla Romana ($17.50) that Kelly got, however, was ridiculously flavorful. “Breaded with prosciutto ham, broiled, finished in a white wine sauce (with a) touch of sage," it was perfectly cooked with a good crisp and topped with mozzarella. The couple of bites that Kelly gave me more than made up for the Seafood Ravioli.

I’d love to try some of Gian-Tony’s other entrees. That said, considering the drastic difference in the two we had tonight, if we went back I’d probably take the safe route and get the Polla Alla Romana again. Gian-Tony’s isn’t outrageously pricey, but it’s pricey enough that I don’t care to risk a game of menu roulette.

34 Club
After dinner, we took a drive around the neighborhood of our hotel to try and find a bar within walking distance to grab a beer. Most of the places looked way too packed or too loud for us to have a conversation, so we ended up at this hole in the wall -- and please know I mean that in the most positive way.

I don’t know if it’s always like this, but tonight’s clientele at 34 Club was decidedly mixed. There was:

• A group of hipsters, who looked like they were dressed more for an ooncha-ooncha dance-a-teria
• Some guys and their huge dogs, one of which was the spitting image of Sprocket from Fraggle Rock
• Another guy who struck me as kind of a dorky Kid Rock -- he was hunkered down at the bar and had the fedora paired with vest and t-shirt look going, but with floppy hair

Since PBR tallboys were only $2.50, I got us a couple of those. Meanwhile, “Paradise City” came on the jukebox and Dorky Kid Rock’s girlfriend started doing some stripper moves behind him, yet well enough within his peripheral vision that he had to have known what was going on. When Dorky Kid Rock finally acknowledged her after actively ignoring the show for most of the song, I couldn’t tell if he was just disinterested or mildly annoyed. Either way, nobody was acting like this was anything out of the ordinary.

A sign behind the bar said, “Try a Cold Gin & Squirt.” If I remember correctly, it was even written on no less than a starburst cut-out. With that kind of fanfare we figured the drink must be a 34 Club specialty, thus Gin & Squirts it was for our next round.

They weren’t half-bad, so we decided to have two more Gin & Squirts before we called it a night. I sauntered up to the bar to order them, and the bartender was visibly boggled when I told him what we wanted, pausing to give me a questioning, “Really?” His voice went up an octave or so on the second syllable, and then still in disbelief he added, “You liked those?”

Yes, really. We genuinely enjoyed our Gin & Squirts. If they’d been serving up Bourbon & RC, I would’ve been all over that, too. Welcome to my new obsession of mixing well liquor and third-tier sodas.

I’m going to have to go ahead and draw the line at anything made with Big Red, though.

Next Time on Lunch Blog: I'm gonna go nuts if we don't go to White Castle already.
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Gian-Tony’s Ristorante: 5356 Dagget Ave. | St. Louis, MO 63110

34 Club: 34 North Euclid Ave. | St. Louis, MO 63108

Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 2)

Spuds MacKenzie, you are sorely missed.

Anheuser-Busch Brewery

When we started planning our trip to St. Louis, we thought about going to a museum. However, we ultimately decided to take a tour of the Anheuser-Busch Brewery instead. It’s kind of like a museum, just all about Anheuser-Busch. Plus, free beer. And free beer usually wins.

We arrived at the brewery, signed up for the tour, and began making our way around the lobby to check out all the exhibits detailing the history of Anheuser-Busch. Not that much later, our group was called and we were introduced to our two tour guides. One was the Anheuser-Busch equivalent of NBC’s Kenneth Parcell on 30 Rock, so pure and wide-eyed was his devotion to all things Budweiser. The other one reminded me of Scut Farkus from "A Christmas Story," if Scut Farkus thought he was too cool for school and wore clothes mostly from REI. He didn’t even have on any Anheuser-Busch flair, and thus gets a big zero for effort.

Kenneth and Scut walked us through the grounds of the brewery, which is about the size of a small city. They showed us the Clydesdales, the big tanks of beer, the mash room and all that. While we were looking at the bottling line, Kelly wondered if they ever pulled a Laverne & Shirley, putting a glove on a bottle and waving goodbye as it’s spirited off.

Later in the tour, Kenneth schooled us on Renard the Fox, spokesperson for Bevo, the near beer that Anheuser-Busch sold during prohibition. Renard is a very dapper fox that is frequently depicted munching on a chicken leg with a mug of Bevo at the ready. Needless to say, that is one sly fox I want to hang out with.

Doubting the rest of our tour group was as interested in Natural Light as me, I caught up to Kenneth in between his spiels, and he was totally willing to answer some questions. First and foremost I wanted to know, “How close am I right this very second to fresh Natural Light?"

“About as close as you can get,” Kenneth replied without hesitation. His gusto rivaled that of only Lunch Blog’s friend Dorsett, a man internationally recognized as Natural Light’s #1 enthusiast.

We also learned from Kenneth that because Bud Light is brewed with rice and Natural Light is brewed with corn, if the price of corn and rice were ever to flip-flop, then Natural Light would become Anheuser-Busch’s premium light beer. (I thought that was reasonably intriguing enough to share.)

Kenneth couldn’t tell me jack squat about Anheuser-Busch’s malt liquor products.

When the tour was over, we were led to the hospitality room for our two complimentary beers apiece. I stuck to Budweiser, and Kelly had a Bud Light Golden Wheat followed by a Stella Artois. Meanwhile, our tourmates the Lady Mavs, whose college affiliation and sport was unknown, were settling for sodas.

As we enjoyed our beers, we tried to figure out why these girls who were clearly under 21 had chosen to go to a brewery for their Saturday morning entertainment. One suggestion was that maybe they wanted to see the Clydesdales because the Lady Mavs are a polo team, but that theory was quickly discarded. Kelly and I noticed a couple of the Lady Mavs not too inconspicuously grooving on Scut Farkus, although I’m not sure Scut Farkus did.

On our way back to the car, we stopped for a snack at Gus’ Pretzels, which I found disappointingly unremarkable. Then it was off to visit the Gateway Arch.

Gateway Arch Marketing Team, here is a gimmick for you: As mentioned above, you get free beer at the end of the Anheuser-Busch Brewery tour. When people come down from the top of the Arch, why not give them a free Arch Deluxe?

Just think about it.

Next Time on Lunch Blog: A couple of nice glasses of wine at dinner. A couple of Gin & Squirts at a dive bar after.

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Anheuser-Busch Brewery: 12th & Lynch Streets | St. Louis, MO 63118

Gus’ Pretzels: 1820 Arsenal | St. Louis, MO 63118

Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 1)

A city blessed so abundantly with White Castles. Can't they spare us just one?

Kelly and I had been feeling the need to get out of town for awhile, so when we had our first open weekend in forever, we decided to take a road trip to St. Louis. I figured we could stop at White Castle, tour a brewery, stop at White Castle, check out the Gateway Arch, stop at White Castle and so forth.

After careful negotiation it was decided that we would stop at White Castle exactly once. Rather, among other things, we'd get some crepes downtown and visit The Hill for Italian food. So we dropped off the kiddo, gassed up the car, grabbed a couple of QuikTrip taquitos -- and we were off.

Pi Pizzeria

Kelly found this place while doing some online recon before we left KC, and noting that it's a favorite of the Obamas, we made Pi Pizzeria our Friday night destination.

The hostess told us it would be an hour before we were seated, so we stepped up to the bar to get beers. Seeing as how we were in St. Louis, we each chose a selection from Schlafly -- Kelly got the Pale Ale, and I opted for the Saison. While I was standing at the bar, I heard Schlafly pronounced three distinctly different ways: Shay-flee, Shaf-lee, and Shuh-laugh-lee.

Since it was a nice night, we sat down at one of the tables outside on the sidewalk. There we started to notice that everybody in St. Louis looks vaguely familiar. Not like people we used to know or anything -- just people we'd seen around in various locales. Like those random people you've got a few of the same classes with in college but never talk to, or are always at the same shows you're at.

The pizza was totally worth the wait. We ordered the Chicago-style deep-dish South Side Classico pie, subbing in green olives and black olives for green pepper and onions. Made with cornmeal, the crust was super-chewy on the bottom, but had a nice crunch at the top of the edges.

You can't tell how delicious it was from this picture. We were at a table near the back of the restaurant, so in deference to our fellow diners I turned my camera's flash off, and the resulting photo came out so bad you can barely even tell it's pizza. People try to pass off pictures of Bigfoot that are clearer than this.

There's a sign at Pi that says Provel and has a circle and a slash drawn through it. I know I'm in the minority of people that like St. Louis-style pizza, but I was surprised to find out that apparently even the people in St. Louis don't seem to care for it all that much.

Benton Park Cafe

Saturday morning, I checked out Urbanspoon to find someplace to go for breakfast, and was immediately intrigued by Benton Park Cafe for two reasons. First, beer biscuits. Second, breakfast pizza. Plus, it's totally within walking distance of the Anheuser-Busch brewery, which we were planning to tour that afternoon.

We looked over the menu in greater detail once we got there, and despite some good looking omelettes, we stuck with ordering the Classic Pizza and beer biscuits and gravy. I will mention that Benton Park Cafe also offers a knife and fork pancake sandwich called McGrittl This, and I'm fairly certain that name isn't legally sound.

I'm glad to confirm that both our breakfast choices were winners. The beer bread flavor of the biscuits was excellent, and the gravy was unexpectedly spicy. The Classic Pizza comes topped with egg, mushroom, onion, tomato, bacon and cheese -- and it marked the second killer crust we got in St. Louis.

Kelly was such a fan of the crust that she started trying to figure out the recipe. She asked what was in it, and while all our server could tell us was that garlic salt somehow factored in and the crust is stuffed with cheese, Kelly did some online sleuthing and found this once we got back to KC.

Didn't even occur to us that the pizza would be a full-size pie, thus easily serving two, but it was and along with the biscuits and gravy we had way too much food. That said, no edges of the pizza's crust were left behind.

When our server dropped off our bill, she also asked me if I wanted a to-go cup for my coffee. Attention all breakfast places: This practice is now mandatory, and your compliance is appreciated.

Next Time on Lunch Blog: On to the Anheuser-Busch brewery. There were college kids there, so it must be educational.

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Pi Pizzeria: 6144 Delmar Boulevard | St. Louis MO 63112

Benton Park Cafe: 1900 Arsenal Street | St. Louis MO 63118

Blame It On Cain’s (Tulsa Road Trip 9/09, Part 3)

Never say die.

Whataburger

Robert: As previously recounted, I'm a Whatafarm veteran, but Shaw, Jeff and Ryan had never tackled one -- so before embarking upon the arduous drive home, we headed to Whataburger.

Shaw: In preparation, I drew up a new Whatafarm diagram that included the full complement of Whataburger toppings. We figured giving them that would be easier than saying “I want a burger -- add chicken, bacon, fried egg and anything else you can throw on there.”

Robert: Except fish. No fish.

Shaw: Spirits were high as we pulled into the parking lot, even though the Whataburger that Ryan's GPS led us to seemed a little sketchy. Chatting about the domination soon to be taking place, we ran into one of the managers walking to her car, and showed her the diagram to confirm we weren't going to get any static. Impressed yet also clearly relieved that she was now off duty, she said making us Whatafarms shouldn't be a problem -- and then promptly sped away.

Once inside, following Robert's pre-established protocol, I stepped up to the counter, looked the employee dead in the eye, slid the diagram across the counter and said, “We'd like four of these, please.”

Robert: Your form was 100% correct. For the life of me, I can't figure out what it was that threw this particular Whataburger into total chaos.

Shaw: The diagram caused much commotion and umpteen looks of horror. Eventually every Whataburger staffer was up at the counter. All except one.

They took our diagram to the back, and a couple of minutes later a guy -- I'm not sure if he was the head manager or what -- emerged and said, “I'm sorry, we can't make that.”

Robert: Whaa? Excuse me? What do you mean? You can't? Or you won't?

Shaw: We asked for an explanation, and he just repeated, a little more sternly I might add, “I'm sorry, sir. We can't make that.”

Robert: Come on! It’s not like it's made out of unicorn! You've got everything you need right there!

Shaw: At this time, I will point out the irony of the current Whataburger campaign: “Customize Your Burger.”

Robert: So we did the only logical thing. We piled back into the car and went in search of another Whataburger.

Shaw: There was some anxiety in the air, since we were running out of time before 11:00, when breakfast hours end and you can't get a fried egg anymore. The egg is critical to the equation! If you don't get an egg, then you're just some jerk with a fried chicken-burger-bacon-cheese sandwich.

Turned out there was no need to worry -- this location looked like the crown jewel of the Whataburger empire, and when we showed the crew what we wanted, they were excited to join us on our adventure. They even asked if they could make a copy of our diagram.

Robert: Not to mention they gave us free fountain drinks after hearing the sordid tale of how we were turned away at the other Whataburger.

Shaw: When our four Whatafarms arrived, the table supports audibly creaked. This thing is just as much of a beast as you think it is.

The first bite is almost overwhelming, a dancing assortment of flavor, but thanks to a sound structure the Whatafarm quickly settles into a nice balance. About halfway through, I started slowing down. By the end I had a little sweat going, yet I still powered through and finished proud. Also a little regretful, but mostly proud.

Robert: Indeed, I'm proud to report that we all finished our Whatafarms. As we were wrapping up, the general manager came over and chatted with us for a couple of minutes. He apologized again for our experience at the sketchy Whataburger, and gave us kudos on our refusal to give up on a dream.

While I don't know if he'd want to see his name on Lunch Blog or not, it must be said that Whataburger #303's general manager deserves a raise, a promotion to corporate and full access to the Whatajet, which I'm not sure is a real thing but if it isn't it certainly should be. Whataburger bigwigs, please email me and we can let you know who your #1 employee is and sing his praises even more.

Shaw: Everything about the food and service here was topnotch -- I couldn't be happier with the experience. It'll be awhile before I need another Whatafarm, though. Next time, I'll have to try something from the regular menu.

Robert: You should. I'd say Whataburger serves the best fast food burgers around, but to me they actually taste a step above fast food.

Smokey Ben's

Shaw: Four hours later, we stopped for barbecue. That was a truly awful idea.

Robert: Jeff, Ryan and I -- or maybe it was just me -- really wanted Hot Momma's. They're these little spicy sausages we got here on our last Tulsa road trip. One or two of them would have been a fine afternoon snack.

Shaw: But we also got ribs.

Robert: We should not have gotten ribs. They were fine, but four hours after a Whatafarm, we should not have gotten ribs.

Ill-conceived barbecue pit stop notwithstanding, it was an awesome trip. And now I'm ready to go back for another show at Cain's Ballroom. Who's up for Drive-By Truckers? How about Hank III?

Little bit of bad news, though, guys -- we totally missed the Hanson show.

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The good Whataburger, not the sketchy one:
4726 East 41st Street | Tulsa, OK 74135

Smokey Ben's:
610 West Mary Street | Yates Center KS 66783
(Although no matter where you may find yourself, if you want a Hot Momma bad enough, Smokey Ben's will magically appear.)

Blame It On Cain’s (Tulsa Road Trip 9/09, Part 2)

Despite the events below, we swear we really do like to drink good beer sometimes.

Cain’s Ballroom

Shaw: One of the best parts of Cain’s is that they’ll sell you Budwesier a six-pack at a time, plastic rings and all. We walked in and headed straight to the bar to pick a few up.

Good thing, too. The lady working the line told us they only had five six-packs left, so the four of us each bought one. And then just to be safe, we went back and got the last one a couple of minutes later.

Robert: Not only does having a six-pack at the ready mean you don’t have to go back to the bar and miss part of the show, but I imagine this is what it must feel like to walk around a ‘70s beer bust barn party.

Tonight was Elvis Costello’s last night on tour for his country album, Secret, Profane & Sugarcane. The ex-Angry Young Man played a lot of songs from that, as well as treated us to Americana takes on favorites like “Mystery Dance,” “Everyday I Write the Book,” and, of course, “Blame It On Cain.” It was a pretty fantastic show, and “The Carnegie Hall of Western Swing” was the perfect venue for it.

Shaw: With a band that included two guitars, an accordion, stand-up bass, dobro and fiddle, it was like hearing a country-flavored Elvis Costello cover band with the real Elvis Costello singing. Different, but incredible.

Rocking a purple fedora, Mr. Costello looked very dapper -- though at one point, the green cast of the lights plus his hat and the thick frames of his glasses made him look like the Riddler.

Robert: Maybe Elvis Costello really is an International Art Thief after all.

The Soundpony

Shaw: After the show, we decided to grab a quick beer at the next door to regroup and figure out where we should go from there. However, since The Soundpony had $1.50 Natural Light draws and some old school video games, we ended up staying awhile.

Robert: I took honors on Ms. Pac-Man and Moon Patrol, and Ryan dominated us all at Galaga. The Soundpony also has a Donkey Kong machine that even features the option to play the rare Donkey Kong 3.

Jeff, Ryan, Jeremy and I came here when we went to Cain’s to see Wilco last year, stopping in during happy hour, which lasts from 3 to 9 p.m and includes a free hot dog for every $4 you spend. That’s right -- a six-hour happy hour with free hot dogs. KC bars, please take note.

Shaw: The Soundpony is a cool bar. But man, that is a truly awful name.

I'll also give cheers to the music selection, but jeers to the bartenders who used the microphone behind the bar to subject everyone to their painful vocal accompaniment.

QuikTrip

Shaw: We left The Soundpony to go wander around downtown and look for some more substantial eats. But as it was after midnight and most places had stopped serving, we ended up calling a taxi to take us back to the QuikTrip by our hotel.

Robert: Ah, QT -- land of delicious roller-grilled foods. I got a burrito and a chili cheese taquito dog. Seriously, they’ve got to be just spinning a Wheel of Random Ingredients to concoct these new cylindrical delights.

Shaw: I stayed on the less adventurous end with two hot dogs for $2 and a 99¢ bag of Fritos. Without the availability of Chicago dog fixings or sauerkraut, the only proper way for me to have my hot dogs was with mustard and relish. No ketchup shall defile my hot dogs. Nor shall catsup, for all the Hunt’s fans out there.

Robert: I was a little disappointed there wasn’t even a single egg roll to be found on the grills, though. I do love some late-night Chinese food.

Next time on Lunch Blog: What does it take to get a Whatafarm in Tulsa?

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Cain’s Ballroom: 423 North Main Street | Tulsa, OK 74103

The Soundpony: 409 North Main Street | Tulsa, OK 74103

QuikTrip: 229 North Gilcrease Museum Road | Tulsa, OK 74127

Blame It On Cain's (Tulsa Road Trip 9/09, Part 1)

For the record, when listening to Sirius XM's Hair Nation, Jeff can name that tune in four notes or less.

We’d been counting down the minutes to this road trip since May, when Jeff and Ryan told us that Elvis Costello was going to be playing Cain’s Ballroom in September. First stop -- meeting up with the Brothers Pfannenstiel in Topeka.

Taco Tico

Robert: We decided to rendezvous here so we could grab a little bit of lunch. Plus, I’ll take just about any chance I can to get a Taco Tico combo burrito. We also each got a soft flour taco and a crispy flour taco.

Shaw: As soon as I bit into my crispy flour taco, it shattered and sent half the contents falling onto the tray. So basically I started out with a taco and ended up with nachos.

I will say this -- Taco Tico’s sauce bar is pretty fantastic. In order of ascending heat, they’ve got Mild, Green Chile, Hot and Volcano. My favorite is the green chile.

Robert: Please note that Taco Tico’s Volcano Sauce is not to be confused with Taco Bell’s cheese-based Lava Sauce -- even though Volcano Sauce looks more like actual lava than Lava Sauce does. Mind-bending.

The Hunt Club

Shaw: Once we got to Tulsa we checked into the hotel and enjoyed a couple of bottles of Jeff and Ryan’s awesome homebrewed IPA. Then we caught a taxi downtown to The Hunt Club to get some dinner. We’d found out about The Hunt Club on the Cain’s website, and it’s just down the street from Cain’s itself.

Robert: Some Juggalos were milling around the storefront next door, which seemed kind of weird since Insane Clown Posse doesn’t play Cain’s until October.

Shaw: Anyway, we went inside and The Hunt Club turned out to be a cozy little place. Lots of taxidermy on the wall. Our server came over and told us the special was $1 Busch and $1 Choc Beer Waving Wheat.

Robert: Having never heard of Waving Wheat, we asked our server for the scoop. All she could tell us was that it was only a buck because they were, and I quote, “Trying to get rid of it.” So we ordered four Buschs.

Shaw: Checking out the menu, we decided to get a couple of orders of queso sliders and fries, plus a dozen tequila lime wings. We took it as a bold statement that The Hunt Club doesn’t even offer a buffalo option.

Robert: We also ordered another round of beers, but there were only two Buschs left in The Hunt Club, so Ryan and I sucked it up and got Waving Wheats. Turned out to be not half-bad. Kind of spicy.

Couldn’t figure out what was going on in the picture on the label, though. It looked like it was the PC guy from the “I’m a Mac” commercials lost in drunken admiration of his beer, while his Native American traveling companion stood nearby, apparently wearing a straitjacket.

Shaw: Other possible scenarios -- the PC guy is attempting to hide the Native American from a bloodthirsty posse by dressing him in drag.

That’s actually his withered mother, and she’s clearly annoyed with her son's love of beer over the ladies.

Or maybe that’s his wife, sneering disdainfully as he indulges in his only cheerful escape from a loveless, wind-swept prairie marriage.

Robert: Then we actually read the label and found out it was a guy named Pete who was down on his luck and decided to start brewing beer using a recipe borrowed from the local Native American tribe, the Choctaw. Interestingly, I think that’s how Jeff and Ryan got started brewing, too.

Shaw: I like my theories better.

Robert: Our food came out, and for the most part it was fairly blah. The menu said the tequila lime wings were baked, so it wasn’t that I was expecting them to be fried, but they didn’t taste much better than the frozen kind you can get at the grocery store. The fries, also baked, were soggy at best.

Shaw: I can’t for the life of me figure out why The Hunt Club doesn’t have a fryer. Surely it’s not due to health reasons, since the queso sliders are just on the right side of being o-slathered in spicy, cheesy goodness -- making them unsurprisingly the best part of the meal. Really wish I’d tried the Frito Pie.

While we were there, one of the Juggalos came inside and announced, “We mean you no harm,” and did a quick sweep of the bar before leaving.

Robert: Watch out, Juggalos -- next thing you know, you might end up stuffed and mounted on The Hunt Club’s walls.

Next time on Lunch Blog: Elvis Costello, old school video games, and rolling food.

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Taco Tico:

3200 SW Topeka Boulevard | Topeka, KS 66611

The Hunt Club:

224 North Main | Tulsa, OK 74103