The shuffleboard is free. The beers aren’t much more.
Excellent! A $1.75 Busch draw for me then, please, and keep them coming. And my good man Casey here feels like splurging, so he’ll have the Michelob Amber Bock for fifty big cents more, thank you very much.
The Winstrosity is a sandwich consisting of a Winstead’s burger, fried chicken breast, fried egg, cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, onion rings, pickles, mustard and ketchup. It’s the Kansas City version of a Whatafarm, which I started craving big time during the NCAA tournament thanks to the relentless airing of Whataburger spots. Such a tease since the closest Whataburger is hours away.
Our server at Winstead’s was surprisingly receptive when Shaw, Dorsett and I showed her the schematic detailing what we wanted. She took it with her, and returned a couple of minutes later with an update -- the cooks were all over the Winstrosity, although they were going to have to vary the precise order of toppings from our diagram to make the sandwich architecturally sound.
Our sandwiches arrived and we dug in. The Winstrosity was scary delicious -- way more than the sum of its many, many parts. The burger patty and bacon set a carnivorous stage for the juicy chicken, crispy onion rings and an excellent fried egg. No single flavor overwhelmed any of the others. Total menu harmony on a bun. My Winstrosity plus a large soda ran me $12.20.
Happy hour specials are available from 3-7 p.m. in the bar area only, so lucky for us there was one table left when we arrived. Our server brought us chips and charred tomato salsa, and we each ordered a Classic Manhattan, made here with Jim Beam ($3.90 during happy hour; $5.90 otherwise). The salsa was nice and smoky.
We also got an order of Wild Bill’s wings split half-and-half between Hickok’s two sauces -- classic buffalo and roasted garlic agave (6 for $2.90 during happy hour). Hickok’s serves the wings whole, and while the buffalo sauce wasn’t big on heat, both sauces were very flavorful and the wings were good and crispy.
With happy hour over, we switched to cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon ($2.50). Now it was time to face down the Monster Burger -- two 8 oz. patties, smoked bacon, chorizo, caramelized onions, roasted mushrooms, jalapenos, a fried egg, four cheeses, lettuce, tomato, guacamole and onion straws ($14.90).
Finish that behemoth plus a side of fries in 30 minutes or less, and you get your name on the Hickok’s Monster Burger Wall of Fame. Please note, however, that you still have to pay for your burger. Seems like you should at least get a t-shirt, especially if you manage to beat the standing record of six stomach-churning minutes. Although tonight we weren’t going for the record -- we were just curious to see how it tasted.
We ordered Wild Bill’s Fried Burger, too. It’s a Boulevard beer-battered patty with jalapeno cheese sauce, chorizo, guacamole and onion straws ($9.40). Like the Monster Burger, it was a bit heavy on the creamy toppings, and the cheese geyser and guacamole canceled each other out. Really none of the flavors came through all that distinctly except for fried and chorizo.
Considering the wings and salsa were pretty tasty, it may be unfair to judge Hickok’s based on our choice of burgers. On a different visit I tried the carnitas tacos ($9.30) and they were fine, while a couple of nights later Shaw had the Plain Ole Chicken tacos ($2.90 during happy hour) and liked them.
While Shaw and I were fine with the domestic special, we had our friend Dan along with us, and since he's something of a beer nut he decided to rock some Boulevard's Bob's '47 instead. Shaw grabbed the three of us a bowl of peanuts, and we ordered our wings. Decently sized, our pound came out to nine wings total, but taste-wise I didn't catch a lot of heat off them. Not the best I've ever had, yet far from the worst.
We also each got burgers -- the chili cheeseburger for Shaw, the blue cheese burger for me, and Dan felt obligated to try Dan's Barnyard Burger. When the chili cheeseburger and the blue cheese burger arrived, I thought they looked a little skimpy on toppings. However, there was actually just enough of the good stuff on them to complement Longbranch's excellent patties, which may have otherwise been overwhelmed. The blue cheese burger came with some habanero sauce that gave it a nice bit of zip, too.
As for Dan's Barnyard Burger, topping overload is clearly the point. I think you know what you're getting into when you order a burger with a fried egg, three slices of cheese and three strips of bacon.
I kept thinking the next bite would be where I found some peppers and onions. Alas, it turned out what we’d been given was simply a burnt end sandwich with cheese -- although McHugh got one from a different Blaze Burgers stand that he said was loaded with toppings. We paid $8.50. Is it worth $4.25? Even without the fixings, it was a passable foodservice barbecue sandwich. But I still want that cheesesteak in the picture.
Forging the trail with coworkers Justin, Nick and Nathan, we got to Otto’s and discovered an excellent lunch special -- a Royale Burger plus fries and a malt for $8, available from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. The malt of the day was banana espresso, and that’s what I got. While I’d never thought of combining banana and espresso, it was fantastic.
The Astro was solid, but I’ve got to question myself on why I continue to experiment with sautéed onions. They’re not a team player in burger ensembles. As jarring as if Jim Carrey got a role on "The Wire" and couldn’t resist mugging it up. Just do your job, onions. You’ve got the potential to do some good work if you’d just reel it back and resist the urge to overtake the rest of the cast.
Ladies and gents, announcing QuikTrip’s latest -- Cheeseburger Rollers (2 for $2, or $1.19 each).
We each put a Cheeseburger Roller on a bun and started loading them up with condiments. Ketchup, mustard and onions from a packet for me.
Hot dog buns aren't really the ideal Cheeseburger Rollers handling device, either -- too bready. While a hot dog has the snap of its casing to pronounce itself from the bun, the Cheeseburger Roller just gets lost in there.
Even though the game doesn’t start until 8 p.m., we arrived a little bit before Happy Hour ended at 7 so we could take advantage of the $5 appetizers special. We got an order of buffalo wings and the Tower Sliders, on the latter opting for the Deluxe version, which runs $1 more. Since the special doesn’t include Pork Wings, we decided to wait until later for those.
The dollar extra for the Deluxe Tower Sliders was well spent -- they’re excellent. You get three of them, and each one easily has 3 oz. of flavor tucked in the 2 oz. patty, but it’s the garlicky cream cheese and bacon that really make them. They come with some fantastic fries that have just the right crispy-potato ratio, too. As for the wings, they were good, albeit nothing out of the ordinary.
Before the next round started, we ordered a meatball sub ($7.50). While the meatballs themselves were tasty, overall I found it undersauced and o-cheesed, served on a roll that was too soft for this kind of sandwich. Side-wise, we got the house-made potato chips, and they were good, if not nearly as good as the fries we’d had with the Deluxe Tower Sliders.
At long last we ordered the aforementioned Pork Wings ($9), too. They’re pork shanks that are braised and flash-fried, and tossed in a bourbon-cider barbecue sauce. Pretty delicious. An order of these plus an order of buffalo wings would be about the best thing you could pair with the $2.50 Budweiser and Bud Light Tallboys that are the Tuesday night beer special.
Normally, the more kinds of wings a place has, the more average I expect them to be across the board -- so I’m excited to say that the wings at Swagger are delicious. Each variety has an excellent blend of heat and flavor. Here’s a rundown, from dry to wet:
Overall, taste-wise the burger struck me as maybe a little too far on the hot end of the ideal heat-to-flavor scale, and surprisingly the batter didn’t add that much to the experience. However, the wasabi coleslaw was fantastic, and the hand-cut fries were great -- perfectly cooked and seasoned.
Second, there’s a whole public humiliation aspect to it if you don’t hit it hard enough, and come in on the lower end of the machine’s arbitrary and ridiculous ranking system. The levels are:
