Red Balloon

You don’t have to be a regular to sing here, but it helps.

In search of some cheap eats and karaoke airtime, we did Guys’ Night at Red Balloon last month.

Alas, the karaoke was a bust. In our experience the KJ sang three out of every five numbers and called up the regulars before giving any new blood a shot. Fair enough -- your place, your rules.

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Majestic Restaurant

Monocles optional.

For our most recent Guys’ Night, we decided to check out the Majestic Restaurant for some fancy drinks and cheap happy hour eats. Robert had been there for happy hour before, and swore on the deliciousness of the housemade corn dogs. Seeing as how we’re already big fans of your everyday non-gourmet corn dogs, he pretty much had Dorsett and I sold immediately.

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The Rieger Hotel Grill & Exchange

They say “Drink like it’s prohibited” -- and prohibition tastes delicious.

You may remember my brother-in-law and “almost doctor” Voytek from previous entries on Lunch Blog. He’s the guy who tried to dissuade us on medical grounds from ordering the Suribachi Burger at Swagger, and later commented that “Medically speaking, the correct amount of Whatafarms is zero, for the duration of your life.”

Well, the good sir finally graduated from med school recently, and as such he could actually attend his first Guys’ Night in a while. No more staying home and hitting the books, playing Operation, watching old episodes of "Quincy" or whatever homework it is that med students do.

For his return, Voytek requested we class it up and get fancy drinks at The Rieger Hotel Grill & Exchange. And with many intriguing options on the cocktail menu there, each of us had a hard time deciding what to get for our first round. Voytek went with the Pendergast ($9) -- made with bourbon, Dolin sweet vermouth, Benedictine and Angostura bitters -- and dug it quite a bit.

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Hickok's Bar & Grill

I don’t recall the part in the legend of Wild Bill Hickok where he ordered a Flirtini.

Because any place with a happy hour featuring specials on both wings and Manhattans is a place I need to check out, Shaw, Dorsett and I went to Hickok’s Bar & Grill for Guys’ Night this month. The lure of the Monster Burger played a part as well, but we’ll get to that later.

Happy hour specials are available from 3-7 p.m. in the bar area only, so lucky for us there was one table left when we arrived. Our server brought us chips and charred tomato salsa, and we each ordered a Classic Manhattan, made here with Jim Beam ($3.90 during happy hour; $5.90 otherwise). The salsa was nice and smoky.

We also got an order of Wild Bill’s wings split half-and-half between Hickok’s two sauces -- classic buffalo and roasted garlic agave (6 for $2.90 during happy hour). Hickok’s serves the wings whole, and while the buffalo sauce wasn’t big on heat, both sauces were very flavorful and the wings were good and crispy.

Other eats on the happy hour menu include Hickok’s classic burger and Boulevard beer-battered chicken tenders. There’s queso espinaca, too, but spin dip is girl food.

Right under the wire before happy hour ended, Dorsett ordered a Classic Martini ($3.90 during happy hour; $5.90 otherwise). Later I learned the happy hour drink specials come back on at 9 p.m.

In addition to the aforementioned Flirtini, the Hickoks’s martini list has a Pomtini on it and something called a 360 Apple Tree Hugger. Neither of these are what comes to mind when I think of the wild wild west -- but truth be known, when I think of the wild wild west, what I think of is Kool Moe Dee.

With happy hour over, we switched to cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon ($2.50). Now it was time to face down the Monster Burger -- two 8 oz. patties, smoked bacon, chorizo, caramelized onions, roasted mushrooms, jalapenos, a fried egg, four cheeses, lettuce, tomato, guacamole and onion straws ($14.90).

Finish that behemoth plus a side of fries in 30 minutes or less, and you get your name on the Hickok’s Monster Burger Wall of Fame. Please note, however, that you still have to pay for your burger. Seems like you should at least get a t-shirt, especially if you manage to beat the standing record of six stomach-churning minutes. Although tonight we weren’t going for the record -- we were just curious to see how it tasted.

When the Monster Burger arrived, we each sank a knife into it and cut it down into thirds. Once you pick this thing up, it’s best to power through it -- with all those toppings of various creamy, squishy and melty consistencies, our Monster Burger quickly devolved into a soggy pile. In retrospect, this is clearly a novelty menu item, and we probably should’ve suspected as much going in. Also, it smells of socks.

We ordered Wild Bill’s Fried Burger, too. It’s a Boulevard beer-battered patty with jalapeno cheese sauce, chorizo, guacamole and onion straws ($9.40). Like the Monster Burger, it was a bit heavy on the creamy toppings, and the cheese geyser and guacamole canceled each other out. Really none of the flavors came through all that distinctly except for fried and chorizo.

Having now had Wild Bill’s Fried Burger and the Suribachi Burger at Swagger, I think I may not be a fan of fried burger patties -- which is crazy because that seems like something I’d be all over. If I could get the whole sandwich battered and fried like a Monte Cristo, that might be another story.

Considering the wings and salsa were pretty tasty, it may be unfair to judge Hickok’s based on our choice of burgers. On a different visit I tried the carnitas tacos ($9.30) and they were fine, while a couple of nights later Shaw had the Plain Ole Chicken tacos ($2.90 during happy hour) and liked them.

That said, we can’t shake the feeling that by putting the Monster Burger out there as bait, Hickok’s Bar & Grill is in fact just an elaborate scheme to trap Guy Fieri.
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528 Walnut | Kansas City, MO 64105

Tower Tavern

Nerdery for the win.

We chose Tower Tavern for Guys’ Night the other week for two reasons. Number one, we wanted to play in the Tuesday night trivia game. Number two, the menu features a dish called “Pork Wings,” and you know that’s something we’d have to try.

Even though the game doesn’t start until 8 p.m., we arrived a little bit before Happy Hour ended at 7 so we could take advantage of the $5 appetizers special. We got an order of buffalo wings and the Tower Sliders, on the latter opting for the Deluxe version, which runs $1 more. Since the special doesn’t include Pork Wings, we decided to wait until later for those.

The dollar extra for the Deluxe Tower Sliders was well spent -- they’re excellent. You get three of them, and each one easily has 3 oz. of flavor tucked in the 2 oz. patty, but it’s the garlicky cream cheese and bacon that really make them. They come with some fantastic fries that have just the right crispy-potato ratio, too. As for the wings, they were good, albeit nothing out of the ordinary.

Shortly before the game started, the host stopped by our table to ask what our team name was going to be, and for lack of any better options we went with Fred. During the first round, we stuck mostly to the category of Three Word Band Names. We almost got stumped on who did “Desperately Wanting,” on account of Better Than Ezra being one of the world’s most forgettable bands ever.

We also got to pick up some extra points when a team of three guys at the bar called Jake, the Fatman & Cynthia were unable to answer their question from the Games category, and challenged us with it. The question was: What does LARP stand for?

Come on, if anybody in there was going to know what LARPing was, it was us -- it’s Live Action Role Playing. Perhaps our nerdery isn’t as outwardly apparent as I thought.

It became surprising all the more that Jake, et al. didn’t know that answer, when between rounds I overheard them talking Doctor Who. Took nearly all my self-restraint not to join in and make that my second Time Lord-related conversation of the day. (I’ve been listening to Chris Hardwick’s Nerdist podcast lately, and it’s empowered me to let my inner geek flag fly much more proudly.)

Before the next round started, we ordered a meatball sub ($7.50). While the meatballs themselves were tasty, overall I found it undersauced and o-cheesed, served on a roll that was too soft for this kind of sandwich. Side-wise, we got the house-made potato chips, and they were good, if not nearly as good as the fries we’d had with the Deluxe Tower Sliders.

At long last we ordered the aforementioned Pork Wings ($9), too. They’re pork shanks that are braised and flash-fried, and tossed in a bourbon-cider barbecue sauce. Pretty delicious. An order of these plus an order of buffalo wings would be about the best thing you could pair with the $2.50 Budweiser and Bud Light Tallboys that are the Tuesday night beer special.

During the second round of trivia, which included a Beatles category that I was especially excited about, we were able to build on our lead. In the category of The Afterlife, one of our opponents was given the question: Who was the jackal-headed god of the Egyptians who advocated the practice of mummifying bodies?

They missed it, and the question went out to the house. Conferring with my teammates, I guessed Mumm-Ra, but that’s actually the archenemy of the Thundercats, not to mention total dork city. Luckily, Shaw knew the right answer was Anubis, which really is just about as dorky.

Before the Final Jeopardy-style ending round, there was a speed challenge that we won by naming five characters from The Lord of the Rings the fastest. Truthfully, I’m a little ashamed of this. Sure, I dig Doctor Who, but Tolkien geeks are a whole other level of nerd that I don’t care much to associate myself with.

Our last question of the night came from the category Capitals, which meant Shaw was going to have to field it singlehandedly, because Dorsett had to leave early and I don’t know real stuff. The question was: Name one of the two state capitals that border another state. Thankfully, none of the other teams got the answer either, and we won the big game.

Now if the category had been something like Space Capitals with a question along the lines of, “Name the home planet of the Time Lords” -- that, I would’ve been all over.

This marked the first time I’ve ever been on a victorious bar trivia team -- and frankly, I was due for a win. Considering we made it happen while eating Pork Wings, I think that makes for a nice little piece of poetic justice.

Happy Hour at Tower Tavern lasts from 4 to 7 p.m., Monday through Friday, with select appetizers for $5. Trivia goes down every Tuesday at 8 p.m. It’s free to play, and the prize is bragging rights, which along with $9 will get you an order of Pork Wings.

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401 E. 31st Street | Kansas City, MO 64108

RC's Restaurant & Lounge

Totally fowl.

I love fried chicken. Two weeks before Guys’ Night we chose RC’s Restaurant & Lounge as our destination, and immediately an internal countdown started in my head. Unfortunately, what the evening had in store for me was the worst fried chicken I’ve ever had ever.

Shaw, Dorsett, Adam and I all showed up at RC’s at about 7 p.m., and unanimously agreed we were ready to crush some fried chicken. As we entered the massive red and white building, we noticed a sign outside advertising the Chicken for Four special ($31.95). Ten pieces of chicken and sides -- perfect.

RC’s was bustling and looked to be doing some good business when we were seated in the wood-paneled dining room, the background music soundtracking us with '80s pop like Howard Jones and Billy Joel. (Man, I can't stand Billy Joel.)

Checking out the menu, it didn’t take any of us much convincing that we should also get some wings ($7.95). Then we added on a plate of livers and gizzards ($7.95), which did require a little bit of convincing from me and Adam to Shaw and Dorsett.

Our server came by to take our order. Asking us what kind of salad we’d like with our chicken dinners, she told us our options were Italian and something else that I couldn’t understand either of the times I asked her to repeat herself. Ultimately, I just went with Italian, although later I wondered if I should’ve rolled the dice and said, “I’ll take the second one.”

The appetizers arrived, and they were thoroughly underwhelming. The sauce on the wings had combined with the breading to create a spongy coating. As for the livers and gizzards, they were oddly flavorless. Coming with a standard cocktail sauce plus some gravy that didn’t have much of a taste beyond floury, the livers and gizzards didn’t even have that much use for dipping.

Shortly thereafter we got our salads, closely followed by the rest of our food. With the Chicken for Four, you get four breasts, two legs, two thighs and two wings, as well as mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and biscuits.

Each of us started with a breast, which was instantly forgettable. They looked delicious, but like the livers and gizzards, didn’t taste like anything. Our sides weren’t any better -- both the mashed potatoes and green beans were bland, and the biscuit was a rock. Even though the salad wasn’t particularly special, bafflingly it turned out to be the high point of my meal.

Up until now, RC’s had just been one big disappointment -- win some, lose some, no big deal. However, we still had six pieces of chicken left. And while everybody else decided to pass, I figured I might as well give RC’s one more shot, and picked up a drumstick.

That’s where the experience irreparably fell apart.

Biting into the drumstick was what I imagine sinking my teeth into wet paper mache might be like -- sticky and chewy and wrong. I’m not sure what it tasted like, only that it didn’t taste like food.

During the hour or so it took us to eat, the dining room had emptied out. We paid our bill, and unable to muster the enthusiasm to think of different places to go, headed upstairs to RC’s Back Door Bar & Grill, so named because the bar’s main entrance is on the rear of the building.

“Land of Confusion” by Genesis was playing when we walked in the Back Door Bar, making it seem kind of like the ‘80s music was following us throughout the building, except this version was a remake by Disturbed. I choose to believe that no matter what song is playing in the main restaurant, a nu-metal cover of it is blasting upstairs.

Tonight’s special was $1 PBRs, so at least we could have some cheap beers. After spotting a "Test Your Strength" punching machine, having learned a valuable lesson at our last Guys’ Night, we took the table farthest away from it despite the fact there weren't that many people at the Back Door Bar.

Shaw pointed out a nearby patron eating a club sandwich, and we all concurred we would’ve rather had that than the fried chicken. Eventually we realized we were talking exclusively about how much we didn’t like this place, so we decided to cut our losses and call it a night.

Look, here at Lunch Blog, we take no satisfaction out of giving a place the thumbs down. RC’s has been around since the early ‘70s and it looked like there were a lot of regulars in there, so it’s got to have something going for it. Hopefully our experience was just a fluke -- if you’ve been to RC’s, we’d love to hear what you thought of the place.
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330 East 135th Street | Martin City, MO 64145

Swagger

We came for wings. Not a knuckle sandwich.

For Guys’ Night this month, we headed to Swagger for Monkey Mondays, when the special is $2 Flying Monkey pints and fifty cent wings. I arrived first, took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender was pretty friendly and surprisingly frank, too -- I overheard a fellow patron ask him about one of the many beers Swagger has on tap, and his reply was, “Honestly, it’s not that good.”

All the seating in Swagger’s bar half had filled up by the time Robert, Dorsett and Voytek finally got there, so we made our way to the other side of the place, which aside from a couple of rowdy Golden Tee enthusiasts was mostly abandoned. We grabbed a high-top table and started to study the menu. Little did we know we’d already made a tactical error that would come to haunt us later.

For now, though, it was all about wings. Swagger offers four varieties -- buffalo, jerk, bbq and Cajun -- and we ordered a ton of each. Robert and I also got the Suribachi Burger to split.

Normally, the more kinds of wings a place has, the more average I expect them to be across the board -- so I’m excited to say that the wings at Swagger are delicious. Each variety has an excellent blend of heat and flavor. Here’s a rundown, from dry to wet:

• Cajun -- somehow buttery yet nearly sauceless, with the spices fried in
• BBQ -- tossed in a sauce more spicy than sweet, and then grilled for a nice cooked-in coating
• Buffalo -- one of the better, more well-balanced buffalo sauces I’ve had in town
• Jerk -- with a thick, dark brown peppery-sweet sauce, these were my second favorite after the buffalo

The Suribachi Burger is a 1/3 lb beef patty dipped in tempura batter and deep-fried, then topped with Asian mustard, pepper jack cheese, Sriracha sauce and wasabi coleslaw. I was dying to try it, despite some cautionary words from Voytek, who is currently in med school but should really keep it to himself until he’s a full-on doctor.

Overall, taste-wise the burger struck me as maybe a little too far on the hot end of the ideal heat-to-flavor scale, and surprisingly the batter didn’t add that much to the experience. However, the wasabi coleslaw was fantastic, and the hand-cut fries were great -- perfectly cooked and seasoned.

This is the part where I explain our aforementioned tactical error. Right by our table was a “Test Your Strength” boxing-style punching machine, and about the time we finished eating, a couple of guys wandered over to give it a go.

Okay, putting a punching machine in a bar? Horrible idea, for two key reasons. First off, it costs a dollar. Let’s say you get liquored up and angry enough to want to hit something, and then find out it’s a buck to take a swing. You’ll be looking for some free punching bags before long.

Second, there’s a whole public humiliation aspect to it if you don’t hit it hard enough, and come in on the lower end of the machine’s arbitrary and ridiculous ranking system. The levels are:

• Hopeless -- depicted as a sweaty fat guy
• Anemic -- a skinny old man that looks curiously like Alan Alda
• Brutal -- another old man, but short and droopy
• Killer -- who looks like a mustachioed Izzy Mandelbaum
• Superman -- a muscular, pretty boy type
• Boxer -- a very angry ‘roid case whose shoulders have swallowed the lower half of his head

Doing our best to avoid eye contact with the punching machine’s patrons, we somehow ended up talking to one of them anyway. The conversation went from agreeing that the machine was clearly broken because it wasn’t fully registering the hurt he was putting on it, to declining the opportunity to throw a punch at it on his dollar, to politely yet in no uncertain terms saying thanks but no thanks to a round of shots. And then the next thing you know, he was on his way to the bar to get us all shots anyway.

We never saw him again. Half an hour later when we went to the bar to tab out, neither he nor his friend were anywhere to be seen.

Aside from that, we had a great time at Swagger. I’m definitely interested in checking out more of the menu.

I’m just not sitting anywhere near that damn machine. ___________________________________
8431 Wornall Road | Kansas City, MO 64114

Jack Gage American Tavern

What this place needs is actual boxing. Or better yet, foxy boxing.

Having just reread Charles Ferruzza’s positive review of Jack Gage American Tavern in The Pitch when we were trying to settle on a location for Guys’ Night, I suggested the boxing-themed restaurant as a contender and everybody bought in. However, the agreed-upon date was still a couple of weeks away, and in the meantime my co-workers Sarah and Matt had started talking up Jack Gage even more. I couldn’t wait any longer, so I decided to stop in for lunch.

Scott, Zach and Dylan joined me on the initial run. Overall, it wasn’t bad -- although the hostess led us by several open four-tops to seat us right by the kitchen door in the back room. Compared to the rest of the place, this room has about as much character as an unfinished basement. It’s like they experienced a sudden shortage of large wooden boxing murals, prompting them to just hang up a TV and reserve that section exclusively for shady looking riff raff, boisterous work group lunches and families with crying babies.

I got the Flat-Iron Steak Sandwich ($8.99), and it was tasty despite the caramelized onions almost completely overpowering the steak with sweetness. Dylan ordered “The Upper Cut” Pork Tenderloin ($8.29) and liked it. And Zach and Scott got burgers -- respectively the Black & Bleu Burger ($6.99), and Jack’s Burger ($7.99), which is basically a bacon cheeseburger -- and while neither guy was crazy about their lunch, they both said their burger was good enough. So none of our entrees were big winners, but the service was friendly and there were enough intriguing menu items that I was looking forward to a return visit.

On Guys’ Night, I arrived first and ordered a Boulevard Tank 7, waiting at the ornately decorated bar for everybody else to get there. This was really my first opportunity to check out the décor, which I’d remembered The Pitch marveling over, yet due to being in the back room didn’t get much of a chance to take in the last time. Not too much later, Robert, Voytek, Adam and Dorsett showed up and we were seated. Again in the back room. Must be something about the company I keep. In retrospect, I should’ve said something.

There were so many different things I wanted to try, that Robert, Dorsett and I decided to split a bunch of stuff. We were all agreed on the Buttermilk Fried “Boneless” Chicken & Waffle and the Tavern Sliders Trio Platter, which comes with one each of an Angus Burger, a Buttermilk Chicken and a Maryland Crab Cake slider. Robert was championing the Hot Kentucky Brown sandwich, and we got that as well.

The food came. The food was fine. Slider-wise, my favorite was the Buttermilk Chicken, topped with bacon, onion and sour cream. I’ll tell you this, I don’t know why anyone would ever pick three Maryland Crab Cake Sliders for $12.99 over the Tavern Sliders Trio Platter for $7.99. (Adam got a full-size burger, and confirmed it has a nice flavor, too.)

When we got our Buttermilk Fried “Boneless” Chicken & Waffle ($15.99), we discovered the reason Jack Gage puts quotes around boneless is that each of the dual breasts had one weird extraneous bone jutting out. Topped with a sweet pecan bourbon maple glaze, it tasted good, but we were left a little baffled as to why the dish demanded such a hefty price tag. They didn’t church up the chicken and waffles that much.

As for the Kentucky Hot Brown ($7.99), this one was thoroughly underwhelming -- nothing more than an open-faced club sandwich, loaded way past the breaking point with a Swiss cheese glaze that was more like a heavy sauce. Side effect: Impromptu cheese fries. Now that, I did enjoy.

One thing I noticed on the menu is that they do love to add crabmeat to dishes here -- witness the Eggs on Crab Hash ($13.99), and for an upcharge you can have a couple of the steaks topped with crabmeat. I actually do really want to try the Tavern Crab Mac & Cheese. Made with nine cheeses, it sounds fantastic. On Fat City, Ferruzza and Jonathan Bender rated it the #1 mac and cheese dish in town.

The thing is, it’s $15.99. Do I ever need to pay $15.99 for macaroni and cheese? Could be great, but the Official Lunch Blog Position (OLBP™) is that mac and cheese performs best as a side dish. It’s not a main event. One scoop is plenty. How about a side portion or a half-order? Come on, Jack Gage. Help us out here.

Maybe that’s why my parties keep getting seated in the back room -- they don’t want us mingling with the crab-in-everything aristocracy. Ferruzza describes the tavern’s namesake as “a scrappy fight promoter -- a carny, really.” Considering that reputation, I wonder where Jack Gage himself would be seated?
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5031 Main Street | Kansas City, MO 64112

30 Rock's Cheesy Blasters

Don't leave us hanging, Meatcat!

What is a Cheesy Blaster, you ask? Watch this and find out.

They sound awesome, right? And while we've waited and waited and waited so patiently for Meatcat to arrive on his magic skateboard and bring us Cheesy Blasters, he's totally giving us the cold shoulder. Not cool, Meatcat. Not cool.

Clearly, we had no choice but to take matters into our own hands and make a batch of Cheesy Blasters ourselves. Here's how we did it.

Ingredients

• Hot dogs
• 8 oz bag shredded jack cheese (NOT pepper jack, just plain jack)
• 8 oz bag shredded mozzarella cheese
• Can of pizza sauce
• Pepperoni
• Tube of thin crust pizza dough

A note on the hot dogs: We used Johnsonville Stadium Style Beef Franks since they were the biggest I could find, hence more room for jack cheese. Once the Cheesy Blasters were assembled, though, we had a leftover pizza lump, so I think this recipe could easily accommodate any standard 8-to-a-pack hot dogs. Unless they're turkey dogs, the inclusion of which in Cheesy Blasters would be nothing less than morally wrong. Same goes for turkey pepperoni. I wish we'd gotten a picture of the leftover pizza lump -- there was something truly disturbing about it. It looked like it might start to scoot away of its own accord, like the raisin concoction John Cusack's mom made in Better Off Dead.

Recipe

1. Preheat oven to temperature stated on the pizza crust directions.
2. Assemble pizza. We went in the order of pizza crust, pizza sauce, cheese and then a protective barrier of pepperoni in hopes of minimizing mozzarella/jack co-mingling.
3. Cook hot dogs on stovetop according to package directions.
4. Cut a slit lengthwise in the hot dogs, and stuff with jack cheese.
5. Cut pizza into strips, not quite as wide as the length of the hot dog. You want some hot dog overhang coming out of each end.
6. Roll a hot dog in each pizza strip. If at all possible, try to roll it so that the seam of the pizza ends up on the bottom but the jack cheese in the hot dog faces upward, thus preventing too much cheese from oozing out as it melts.
7. Bake according to pizza crust directions, until golden brown. Don't forget to spray your baking sheet with Pam.

Boom! You got Cheesy Blasters!

No shocker, they turned out pretty delicious -- at least the sum of their parts. It probably helped that by the time our Cheesy Blasters came out of the oven, we were a couple of Old Styles into the evening. If there's anything bad to say about the Cheesy Blasters at all, it's that I envisioned them looking somewhat more cylindrical, and not so much like Hot Pockets.

Actually, here's the worst thing about Cheesy Blasters: It's nigh-impossible to get the jingle out of your head. Seriously, it's starting to drive me batty.

Meatcat, please come hang out with us. We'll even sweeten the deal with all the Old Style you can drink. How can you turn that down?

Sullivan's

A mere 20 miles away from 18th & Vine, yet worlds apart.

Seeing as how Sullivan's was way too busy for our taste when we tried to do a Guys' Night there on one Thursday last August, we decided to give it a shot on a Wednesday this time around. Sure, Sullivan's seems a bit fancy for the likes of us, but the bar menu has some relatively cheap options, and there was one in particular that we were determined to check out -- Bleu Cheese Chips. Your Lunch Bloggers are total sluts for stinky cheese.

The patio was full-up when we got there, so Shaw, Dorsett, Voytek and I took a seat in the bar area, which features live jazz seven nights a week. Failing to find any beers we could get excited about from the Sullivan's selection, we sucked it up and ordered a round of expectedly overpriced Miller Lites. Meanwhile, tonight's entertainment was playing the world's most boring version of “Oye Como Va” ever.

Half an hour later, a table on the patio opened up and we moved outside where we had some Manhattans that turned out to be fairly decent. Nearby there was a really tan over-50 guy in pink pants, buying bottle after bottle of champagne for three twentysomething girls.

I'm not judging. If you're over 50, and can afford to splurge on bottles of champagne for some hot young things, I say do it. It may not even be as expensive as I think, since I doubt you have to buy the good stuff. This is the kind of lifestyle Shaw should aspire to, pink pants and all.

Food-wise, we had a good feeling about Sullivan's. The Pitch named it Kansas City's Best Steakhouse in this year’s Best Of issue, and although we were planning on ordering exclusively off the bar menu, that's still a pretty good endorsement for the kitchen staff. Here’s what we got:

Bleu Cheese Chips -- As noted, these were what we really wanted to try, and hands down they were the big winner. The skillet chips were satisfyingly crunchy with the perfect thickness, and absolutely smothered in bleu cheese.


Gnocchi -- If there’s gnocchi on the menu, I’m going to order it, and this wild mushroom and spinach version was delicious. Lots of parmesan, too. I could've eaten this as an entree.


Tavern Sliced Steak -- Served with sauteed spinach and a mushroom butter sauce, it's the flavors of the gnocchi in steak form. Good, but I would've preferred to just have more of the gnocchi.


Firecracker Shrimp -- Allegedly spicy, these fried popcorn shrimp were an epic fail. I was promised a taste explosion as big as an M-80. These were more like black snakes.

The food notwithstanding, this isn't a place I'd want to hang out at. Despite the fact it's a chain, Sullivan's seems so totally Johnson County Whitebread that it's inconceivable it could exist anywhere else. Supposedly Sullivan's is modeled in the vein of a 1940's Chicago-style steakhouse, but overall the vibe is more like smooth jazz elevator music.

There's a mural near the top of the wall that runs around the length of the bar area featuring scenes of jazz guys playing their instruments, and the quality of the art is roughly that of 10 for $10 souvenir t-shirts. It's like going to The Max from Saved By the Bell, after the set had been dressed up to look jazz by somebody that had heard of jazz without ever actually hearing jazz.

Our Sullivan's experience came down to this -- there are a couple of good things on the bar menu, and while the beers are pricey, they're not outrageously disproportionate to anything else in the Town Center vicinity. But if it's atmosphere you're looking for, Sullivan’s is about as jazz as Chuck E. Cheese is punk.

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4510 West 119th Street | Leawood, KS 66209