Tuesday, November 17, 2009

30 Rock's Cheesy Blasters

Don't leave us hanging, Meatcat!

What is a Cheesy Blaster, you ask? Watch this and find out.

They sound awesome, right? And while we've waited and waited and waited so patiently for Meatcat to arrive on his magic skateboard and bring us Cheesy Blasters, he's totally giving us the cold shoulder. Not cool, Meatcat. Not cool.

Clearly, we had no choice but to take matters into our own hands and make a batch of Cheesy Blasters ourselves. Here's how we did it.

  • Hot dogs
  • 8 oz bag shredded jack cheese (NOT pepper jack, just plain jack)
  • 8 oz bag shredded mozzarella cheese
  • Can of pizza sauce
  • Pepperoni
  • Tube of thin crust pizza dough
A note on the hot dogs: We used Johnsonville Stadium Style Beef Franks since they were the biggest I could find, hence more room for jack cheese. Once the Cheesy Blasters were assembled, though, we had a leftover pizza lump, so I think this recipe could easily accommodate any standard 8-to-a-pack hot dogs. Unless they're turkey dogs, the inclusion of which in Cheesy Blasters would be nothing less than morally wrong. Same goes for turkey pepperoni. I wish we'd gotten a picture of the leftover pizza lump -- there was something truly disturbing about it. It looked like it might start to scoot away of its own accord, like the raisin concoction John Cusack's mom made in Better Off Dead.

  1. Preheat oven to temperature stated on the pizza crust directions.
  2. Assemble pizza. We went in the order of pizza crust, pizza sauce, cheese and then a protective barrier of pepperoni in hopes of minimizing mozzarella/jack co-mingling.
  3. Cook hot dogs on stovetop according to package directions.
  4. Cut a slit lengthwise in the hot dogs, and stuff with jack cheese.
  5. Cut pizza into strips, not quite as wide as the length of the hot dog. You want some hot dog overhang coming out of each end.
  6. Roll a hot dog in each pizza strip. If at all possible, try to roll it so that the seam of the pizza ends up on the bottom but the jack cheese in the hot dog faces upward, thus preventing too much cheese from oozing out as it melts.
  7. Bake according to pizza crust directions, until golden brown. Don't forget to spray your baking sheet with Pam.

Boom! You got Cheesy Blasters!

No shocker, they turned out pretty delicious -- at least the sum of their parts. It probably helped that by the time our Cheesy Blasters came out of the oven, we were a couple of Old Styles into the evening. If there's anything bad to say about the Cheesy Blasters at all, it's that I envisioned them looking somewhat more cylindrical, and not so much like Hot Pockets.

Actually, here's the worst thing about Cheesy Blasters: It's nigh-impossible to get the jingle out of your head. Seriously, it's starting to drive me batty.

Meatcat, please come hang out with us. We'll even sweeten the deal with all the Old Style you can drink. How can you turn that down?


  1. I'm glad somebody did the dirty work for the rest of us. You are heroes!

  2. Truly inspired work. I just don't have it in me to eat crap like this, I'm glad someone does have it. I threw up eating a Domino's bread bowl and a ham and cheese on pretzel bread Hotzi. I'm sure I would have thrown up a cheesy blaster as well.

  3. Thanks for the post! A co-worker and I made these for our office-mates. They were surprisingly delicious...the perfect lunch for a Friday.

  4. Kelly -- that's awesome. Thanks so much to you and everybody else for reading!

  5. Thank you Robert, now i know what to make for a party I'm hosting in March!

  6. This is so amazing! I was hoping someone would have the genius to actually make cheesy blasters! Thanks Meatcat!

  7. 30 Rock......
    How awesome! :D

  8. I'm gonna make some of these and fly away on my skate board

  9. My gods...so it's a pizza wrapped around a hot dog? THAT'S BRILLIANT! If anyone could find a way to incorporate a donut into this my life would be complete

  10. i'm making this for my friend for her birthday, we got so excited after seeing this on Ace of Cakes

  11. I'm making this for my boyfriend on our anniversary. Nothing says I love you like early onset obesity.

  12. gu gu ga ga. me want cheezy blasterz!

  13. You realize that since YOU are the one who made Cheesey Blasters possible... you are indeed the Meatcat that Liz Lemon prophesied about?!

    GO FORTH on your magic skateboard and spread the Blasters!


  15. This is similar to something I have made for years, my own version of "pigs in a blanket". I use refrigerated biscuit dough (Pilsbury Grands is my choice). I roll out the biscut to make a thin dough wrapper for the hot dog. I use Ball Park Beef franks. I place the dog on the dough, add some chopped onion, mustard and shredded mild cheddar cheese. I wrap up the dog completely and pinch the ends shut to keep the cheese inside. I bake at 350 degrees for 18 - 20 minutes or until the biscuit dough is golden brown.