Chef (A Lunch Blog Movie Review)

The most smoking hot pork action you’ll see in a movie all summer. 

Chef is the story of a dad, his son and a food truck. When the credits roll, you’ll find yourself craving a Cubano.

Writer/director Jon Favreau stars as Chef Carl Casper, a Food & Wine Best New Chef winner whose talent has been going to waste in the kitchen of a trendy restaurant for the past 10 years. After inadvertently starting a Twitter feud with local food critic Charles Ferruzza Ramsey Michel (Oliver Platt), Carl gets fed up and quits.

His plan after that? Get a run-down food truck from his ex-wife’s ex-husband, clean it up, name it El Jefe and travel cross-country making sandwiches with his son. Like you do. Robert Downey Jr. plays Marvin the ex-husband, who is secretly Tony Stark undercover. (This is never stated outright as such, but come on. Also, I’d love to see how Iron Man would trick out a food truck.) 

Read more »

Studio Movie Grill

Lights, camera, hot wings.

Studio Movie Grill is a new theater at Zona Rosa that opened at the beginning of April. Earlier this week, they hosted a Media Night, and your Lunch Bloggers were among those invited to come and check out the cinema-slash-restaurant.

The evening’s feature was Date Night, and both Shaw and I brought along our special ladies -- although if I’d had any foresight whatsoever, I would have declined to tell Kelly that everything was on the house. Instead, I would’ve been all like, “Baby, tonight you get whatever you want,” and cued up a Color Me Badd slow jam to seal the deal.

Shaw, Angela, Kelly and I arrived at Studio Movie Grill and were greeted by our hosts. Then we sauntered over to the bar, where I ordered a Dragonberry Mojito ($8.50). A fine balance of mint and dragonberry, it made me truly appreciative of the dangerous work performed by Dragonberry Wranglers so that we can enjoy these refreshing beverages. I’ve seen Reign of Fire. Dragons can mess you up -- as could the 20 oz. rum-fueled New Orleans Hurricane ($9.50) that Shaw got.

Shortly thereafter, we were ushered into the theater. How Studio Movie Grill works is you have a little red light at your table that you turn on when you want something, and then one of the servers stealthily comes over and takes your order.

They’re like movie theater ninjas, except instead of killing you, they want to bring you food and drink. This is much less challenging and almost as satisfying as smuggling in your own beer. (B movies plus contraband Miller High Live quarts are and always will be an unbeatable combination. Don’t judge.)

The four of us started with a round of appetizers -- spicy Tabasco wings ($8.49), cheese fries ($8.49) and burger bites ($8.49). The wings, which come in an order of five and were actually all drummettes, were nice and crispy with the Tabasco flavor really coming through in the sauce. The southwestern spices on the cheese fries gave them a good spice, too, and I was impressed at how the queso was evenly distributed throughout. It was like each fry had been individually lacquered.

As for the burger bites, I liked the sweet Hawaiian rolls they were on, but I’ve got a bone to pick that goes for Studio Movie Grill and all the places with tiny burgers on the menu -- one regular patty cut into four pieces placed on four buns does not four tiny burgers make. You need to make four tiny patties.

Right before the movie began, we ordered entrees. Kelly was in the mood for pizza, and chose the All the Way ($11.99), which is topped with mozzarella, provolone, pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, mushrooms, onions and marinara.

The main reason she chose that one was because she wanted to make jokes about “going all the way” and movie theater making out -- although logistically speaking, the executive leather chairs here aren’t particularly conducive to getting busy, so if that’s what you’re looking for you may want to go to your standard theater. But to be honest, stadium seating became commonplace long after I finished high school, so I’m not even sure if kids make out in movie theaters anymore.

The All the Way pizza was tasty, even if it was a little heavy on the roasted peppers. The same was true of Shaw’s steak sandwich ($11.99), which in addition to the peppers had shaved beef, sautéed onions, mushrooms and mozzarella on a sourdough roll. I had a little bit of each the All the Way and the steak sandwich, and was afraid I was going to end up with some of those peppers in my lap.

Angela’s chicken quesadilla ($9.99) was solid, with four cheeses, chiles and a better ratio of peppers. Mess-wise, it might’ve been the best food for eating in the dark, too.

Since the Megaplex Burger ($11.99) was the most movie-themed item I could find on the menu -- barring popcorn, of course -- that’s what I got. Alas, despite having peppered bacon, sautéed mushrooms, onions, cheddar and pepper jack cheese, the burger wasn’t quite a blockbuster.

Near the end of the movie, Kelly’s pregnancy sweet tooth kicked in, so we ordered the brownie sundae ($5.99), which has one scoop each of vanilla and chocolate ice cream along with cinnamon chips and both chocolate and caramel sauces. Fully intending to share with Shaw and Angela, we had our server bring us four spoons -- but after a couple of bites, I whispered to Kelly, “You know, if they really wanted a sundae, they could just order their own.”

I think drinks, appetizers and dessert are where it’s at here. Date Night was pretty funny -- it’s Adventures in Babysitting with a married couple, and probably an ideal flick for the Studio Movie Grill set-up. For example, I’m not sure I’d want the distraction of a plate of cheese fries being delivered to me while watching The Godfather. Well, actually, I’m always open to a cheese fries delivery, but I think some films might not benefit from the experience.

Scary movies totally would, though, and this is way boss -- every Wednesday and Thursday in April at 10 p.m., Studio Movie Grill is screening Horror Remix, where all the boring parts are cut out of a horror movie to leave you with just the good stuff. While sneaking in your own giant beers and grindhousing it up will be nigh-impossible what with the ninja servers, admission is free and it’s not like they don’t have beers there anyway.

Be careful, though! If you’re taking a bite and something spooky happens, you could end up with ranch dressing all over the place.

_____________________________________

7420 NW 87th Street | Kansas City, MO 64153

Full disclosure, in case we didn’t spell it out enough: We didn’t pay for any of this stuff. Thanks again to Studio Movie Grill for inviting us.

Apocalyptic Ice Slurpee at 7-Eleven

Man, that Judgment Day sure was a bummer. Let’s get a Slurpee.

To kick start today’s marathon of all four Terminator movies -- a little something we’re calling Terminatorthon -- we went to 7-Eleven to try the new Apocalyptic Ice Slurpee. But according to Slurpee Nation, Apocalyptic Ice is more than a refreshing treat.

"The machines must be stopped, and every sweet citrusy sip you take of blood orange is a step toward their destruction.”

Whoa. That’s a lot of pressure. I mean, how many of these Slurpees do I have to drink before Skynet goes ka-plooey? Is a Terminator going to get me if I’m momentarily sidelined by a cold headache?

Instead of tasting like nuclear desolation, Apocalyptic Ice actually tastes kind of like Ecto Cooler used to, back when you could still get it anyway. Hey, maybe we should try shorting out Skynet via a good old-fashioned sliming.

Scratch that. Bad idea. I’m iffy on the effects of getting slimed by Slimer, but it seems like that could have the potential to imbue the Terminators with the arcane supernatural powers of the dead whose souls have been cursed to wander the earth. And that just sounds like nothing but trouble.

Wait -- hold up again. The 7-11 website is selling a different story about Apocalyptic Ice.

“This blood orange Slurpee drink flavor awakens the machine in you with a sweet, citrus taste.”

So now I’m a robot sleeper agent? But I don’t want to be a Terminator!

I’m so confused. As if I wasn’t already having a hard enough time getting my head around why John Connor and Bruce Wayne look so much alike. Is Batman like John Connor’s uncle? Are they brothers or something?

Clearly, the smartest thing we can do is travel back in time and prevent the Apocalyptic Ice Slurpee from ever being created.

Secondary mission: Stockpile Ecto Cooler. That stuff was so good.

Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits: Chicken Bowl + Popeyes $4You Menu

We take back everything we said about the KFC Famous Bowl.

Did you know Grindhouse is criminally unavailable on DVD in its original double feature cut with all the fake trailers and mock concessions ads and everything? Well, that’s the truth. But Starz ran it a few weeks back and Robert DVRed it so we could check it out a second time, having been lucky enough to catch Grindhouse during its theatrical run. And this time we could enjoy a few quarts of Miller High Life while watching without having to sneak our beers into the theater by hiding them in a shoebox.

Because cheapo B movies deserve a ton of greasy food, we hit up Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits for dinner. Robert was intrigued by the new Popeyes $4You deal, where for $4 you get to pick three items off the value menu, and I felt practically obligated to try the new Chicken Bowl. You are correct -- this story does not end pretty.

The Chicken Bowl at Popeyes consists of a red beans and rice base, with marinated non-fried chicken on the top that’s layered with cheese and parsley. Sounds like a better bet than the KFC Famous Bowl, right? Wrong. Much like that sad concoction, the individual components of the Chicken Bowl mingled, congealed and otherwise devolved into a starchy paste protected by an impenetrable orange rubber coating -- but the beans that are in there really took this to a whole new level of gross.*

For my $4You picks, I got a Loaded Chicken Wrap, Chicken Biscuit and a side of mashed potatoes. Robert got a Delta Mini, Loaded Chicken Wrap and a spicy drumstick. Plus, because they accidentally made a Chicken Biscuit before making his Delta Mini, he scored a Chicken Biscuit for free.

Keeping in mind that you’re paying $1.33 per item, out of the nine options in the $4You line-up, there are only a few actually worth picking. Let’s review.

• Loaded Chicken Wrap: This is your best bet -- a tortilla stuffed with a chicken tender, cheese, and red beans and rice. Oddly enough, it's got more or less the same ingredients as the Chicken Bowl, yet is much more appealing.

• Delta Mini: Also decent. A chicken tender on a small bun slathered with Delta Sauce, which is some kind of spicy mayo. Robert split his with me, and I wish I’d got my own.

• Chicken Biscuit: Exactly what its name says -- a chicken tender on a biscuit. Good in theory. Disappointing in execution. Somehow managed to be dry and greasy at the same time. Neither of us finished ours. Says online you’re supposed to get a choice of Louisiana hot sauce or honey, although no such offer was made this evening.
• Biscuit: Because you could get a biscuit with a piece of chicken in it instead, you should pick this only if you are new to the planet and have no concept of value.
• Leg or Thigh, Mild or Spicy: Like the KFC Big Box Meal, it’s not enough bone-in chicken to make a true impression.
• Three Louisiana Nuggets: Really, Popeyes? Three whole nuggets? You spoil us. Nets out to 44¢ a pop.
• Regular Side: Should you want some red beans and rice, mashed potatoes and gravy, Cajun fries or Cajun rice, this is a decent option. For the suckers out there, Popeyes also offers cole slaw. Always thought it was weird that Popeyes doesn’t serve spinach, but it turns out the chain is actually named for Jimmy “Popeye” Doyle of The French Connection, rather than the sailor man.
  
• Regular Drink: I’m sick of sodas being offered as a value menu item. A waste of one of your three picks -- especially when you’ve got a few Miller High Life quarts waiting for you.
• Cinnamon Apple Pie: Hmmm.

Popeyes, take note -- a value menu with little value is not a value menu at all. Maybe you should just stick to what you do best, as your chicken speaks for itself and your sides have always been strong. Whenever I want fast food fried chicken, the second thing I do is figure out where the closest Popeyes is. The first thing I do is admit to myself I’m not going to accomplish much the rest of the day.

As for Grindhouse, the second time around it was still wicked cool.

• Planet Terror: Comically super-violent, bloody and extra awesome.
• Death Proof: A bit talky, but the scene that shows four different points of view of Stuntman Mike mowing down a carload of girls with his Chevy Nova is totally sweet.

What we should’ve done is hunt down some authentic movie theater nachos. We’re talking the kind where the cheese comes out of a vat, not the kind with the microwaved cup of cheese. Now that’s what a B movie double feature tastes like.

*Full disclosure: While Popeyes’ Chicken Bowl recipe and presentation clearly wasn’t developed to allow for a moderate amount of travel time, we did endure a snafu that could potentially qualify as extenuating circumstances and intensified the Chicken Bowl’s rapid congealment.

Since Robert’s wife Kelly wasn’t in the mood for either Grindhouse or Popeyes, we had to stop at McDonald’s to pick up dinner and a movie for her. There were six or seven people in line for the Redbox -- longer than the actual line for food.

I understand that standing in line is the social cost of getting a new release for $1 -- but honestly people, can we work together on this? Have a list ready of three to four movies that you’re looking for when you arrive. If they’re all rented out, pause on the side to regroup and let the next person go. Do not stand there and look at every single movie description while a long and impatient line of people amasses behind you. At least three Redbox customers did exactly that, and it was more than 15 minutes before we could get Kelly’s movie.

Look, T-Ball kid at the front of the line taking forever -- Delgo isn’t out on DVD yet, so step off.

Hamburger Helper Stroganoff

Goes well with: avocado colored kitchens, wood paneling, key parties.

What with the summer TV shortage, Robert’s been watching way too much Swingtown -- that ‘70s-set show getting him all fired up to make a box of the era’s suburban kitchen staple, Hamburger Helper. Flavors we considered included Salisbury, Lasagna and Chili Mac, before we settled on Stroganoff. It seemed like the kind that people in the Me Decade would’ve most likely deemed classy.

To go with it beer-wise, we were thinking maybe Michelob, maybe Lowenbraü. But at the liquor store I decided to get a couple of others. First, Molson Canadian Light, because what better way to say you’re a worldly man of the ‘70s than beer imported all the way from Canada?

Then, since Swingtown takes place specifically during America’s Bicentennial Year of 1976, to celebrate our own country's heritage I got Lemp St. Louis -- America’s First Lager Beer. By no means, however, can Lemp claim to be America’s Best Lager Beer. It’s terrible. I have a suspicion that Lemp hasn’t changed its recipe since it was first brewed, or at least since prohibition, back when any beer was good beer. The Lemp label does make reference to beer barons, though, which made me laugh and think of Homer Simpson vs. Rex Banner. I wonder if Lemp was ever smuggled in bowling balls.

Good thing we had plenty of beer handy -- while Hamburger Helper Stroganoff has a delicious creamy flavor, it is also heavily salted down. I don’t think you’ll ever find another more neutral-colored dish, either. Everything came out the same beige color. Even the meat. Much like a swinger’s party, you may enjoy Hamburger Helper when you’re in the moment, but after it’s all over, you’re left with nothing except a big old empty bowl of regret.

In honor of just about the only other thing besides Swingtown on TV right now -- the Olympics -- we’d planned to watch Gymkata tonight, too. Somehow neither one of us has ever seen this ‘80s classic. Tagline: “A new kind of martial arts combat! The skill of gymnastics. The kill of karate.” Due to a Netflix meltdown, however, we got rooked out of that. Next we tried to get Lost Boys: The Tribe, figuring Autumn Reeser plus an R rating has to have something going for it, but I couldn’t find a copy.

So I ended up getting Doomsday. It is to post-apocalyptic sci-fi movies what Lemp St. Louis is to lager beer. It really says something when you’re rooting for the cannibals and the end-of-what’s-left-of-civilization virus to win.