Swagger

We came for wings. Not a knuckle sandwich.

For Guys’ Night this month, we headed to Swagger for Monkey Mondays, when the special is $2 Flying Monkey pints and fifty cent wings. I arrived first, took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender was pretty friendly and surprisingly frank, too -- I overheard a fellow patron ask him about one of the many beers Swagger has on tap, and his reply was, “Honestly, it’s not that good.”

All the seating in Swagger’s bar half had filled up by the time Robert, Dorsett and Voytek finally got there, so we made our way to the other side of the place, which aside from a couple of rowdy Golden Tee enthusiasts was mostly abandoned. We grabbed a high-top table and started to study the menu. Little did we know we’d already made a tactical error that would come to haunt us later.

For now, though, it was all about wings. Swagger offers four varieties -- buffalo, jerk, bbq and Cajun -- and we ordered a ton of each. Robert and I also got the Suribachi Burger to split.

Normally, the more kinds of wings a place has, the more average I expect them to be across the board -- so I’m excited to say that the wings at Swagger are delicious. Each variety has an excellent blend of heat and flavor. Here’s a rundown, from dry to wet:

• Cajun -- somehow buttery yet nearly sauceless, with the spices fried in
• BBQ -- tossed in a sauce more spicy than sweet, and then grilled for a nice cooked-in coating
• Buffalo -- one of the better, more well-balanced buffalo sauces I’ve had in town
• Jerk -- with a thick, dark brown peppery-sweet sauce, these were my second favorite after the buffalo

The Suribachi Burger is a 1/3 lb beef patty dipped in tempura batter and deep-fried, then topped with Asian mustard, pepper jack cheese, Sriracha sauce and wasabi coleslaw. I was dying to try it, despite some cautionary words from Voytek, who is currently in med school but should really keep it to himself until he’s a full-on doctor.

Overall, taste-wise the burger struck me as maybe a little too far on the hot end of the ideal heat-to-flavor scale, and surprisingly the batter didn’t add that much to the experience. However, the wasabi coleslaw was fantastic, and the hand-cut fries were great -- perfectly cooked and seasoned.

This is the part where I explain our aforementioned tactical error. Right by our table was a “Test Your Strength” boxing-style punching machine, and about the time we finished eating, a couple of guys wandered over to give it a go.

Okay, putting a punching machine in a bar? Horrible idea, for two key reasons. First off, it costs a dollar. Let’s say you get liquored up and angry enough to want to hit something, and then find out it’s a buck to take a swing. You’ll be looking for some free punching bags before long.

Second, there’s a whole public humiliation aspect to it if you don’t hit it hard enough, and come in on the lower end of the machine’s arbitrary and ridiculous ranking system. The levels are:

• Hopeless -- depicted as a sweaty fat guy
• Anemic -- a skinny old man that looks curiously like Alan Alda
• Brutal -- another old man, but short and droopy
• Killer -- who looks like a mustachioed Izzy Mandelbaum
• Superman -- a muscular, pretty boy type
• Boxer -- a very angry ‘roid case whose shoulders have swallowed the lower half of his head

Doing our best to avoid eye contact with the punching machine’s patrons, we somehow ended up talking to one of them anyway. The conversation went from agreeing that the machine was clearly broken because it wasn’t fully registering the hurt he was putting on it, to declining the opportunity to throw a punch at it on his dollar, to politely yet in no uncertain terms saying thanks but no thanks to a round of shots. And then the next thing you know, he was on his way to the bar to get us all shots anyway.

We never saw him again. Half an hour later when we went to the bar to tab out, neither he nor his friend were anywhere to be seen.

Aside from that, we had a great time at Swagger. I’m definitely interested in checking out more of the menu.

I’m just not sitting anywhere near that damn machine. ___________________________________
8431 Wornall Road | Kansas City, MO 64114

Studio Movie Grill

Lights, camera, hot wings.

Studio Movie Grill is a new theater at Zona Rosa that opened at the beginning of April. Earlier this week, they hosted a Media Night, and your Lunch Bloggers were among those invited to come and check out the cinema-slash-restaurant.

The evening’s feature was Date Night, and both Shaw and I brought along our special ladies -- although if I’d had any foresight whatsoever, I would have declined to tell Kelly that everything was on the house. Instead, I would’ve been all like, “Baby, tonight you get whatever you want,” and cued up a Color Me Badd slow jam to seal the deal.

Shaw, Angela, Kelly and I arrived at Studio Movie Grill and were greeted by our hosts. Then we sauntered over to the bar, where I ordered a Dragonberry Mojito ($8.50). A fine balance of mint and dragonberry, it made me truly appreciative of the dangerous work performed by Dragonberry Wranglers so that we can enjoy these refreshing beverages. I’ve seen Reign of Fire. Dragons can mess you up -- as could the 20 oz. rum-fueled New Orleans Hurricane ($9.50) that Shaw got.

Shortly thereafter, we were ushered into the theater. How Studio Movie Grill works is you have a little red light at your table that you turn on when you want something, and then one of the servers stealthily comes over and takes your order.

They’re like movie theater ninjas, except instead of killing you, they want to bring you food and drink. This is much less challenging and almost as satisfying as smuggling in your own beer. (B movies plus contraband Miller High Live quarts are and always will be an unbeatable combination. Don’t judge.)

The four of us started with a round of appetizers -- spicy Tabasco wings ($8.49), cheese fries ($8.49) and burger bites ($8.49). The wings, which come in an order of five and were actually all drummettes, were nice and crispy with the Tabasco flavor really coming through in the sauce. The southwestern spices on the cheese fries gave them a good spice, too, and I was impressed at how the queso was evenly distributed throughout. It was like each fry had been individually lacquered.

As for the burger bites, I liked the sweet Hawaiian rolls they were on, but I’ve got a bone to pick that goes for Studio Movie Grill and all the places with tiny burgers on the menu -- one regular patty cut into four pieces placed on four buns does not four tiny burgers make. You need to make four tiny patties.

Right before the movie began, we ordered entrees. Kelly was in the mood for pizza, and chose the All the Way ($11.99), which is topped with mozzarella, provolone, pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, mushrooms, onions and marinara.

The main reason she chose that one was because she wanted to make jokes about “going all the way” and movie theater making out -- although logistically speaking, the executive leather chairs here aren’t particularly conducive to getting busy, so if that’s what you’re looking for you may want to go to your standard theater. But to be honest, stadium seating became commonplace long after I finished high school, so I’m not even sure if kids make out in movie theaters anymore.

The All the Way pizza was tasty, even if it was a little heavy on the roasted peppers. The same was true of Shaw’s steak sandwich ($11.99), which in addition to the peppers had shaved beef, sautéed onions, mushrooms and mozzarella on a sourdough roll. I had a little bit of each the All the Way and the steak sandwich, and was afraid I was going to end up with some of those peppers in my lap.

Angela’s chicken quesadilla ($9.99) was solid, with four cheeses, chiles and a better ratio of peppers. Mess-wise, it might’ve been the best food for eating in the dark, too.

Since the Megaplex Burger ($11.99) was the most movie-themed item I could find on the menu -- barring popcorn, of course -- that’s what I got. Alas, despite having peppered bacon, sautéed mushrooms, onions, cheddar and pepper jack cheese, the burger wasn’t quite a blockbuster.

Near the end of the movie, Kelly’s pregnancy sweet tooth kicked in, so we ordered the brownie sundae ($5.99), which has one scoop each of vanilla and chocolate ice cream along with cinnamon chips and both chocolate and caramel sauces. Fully intending to share with Shaw and Angela, we had our server bring us four spoons -- but after a couple of bites, I whispered to Kelly, “You know, if they really wanted a sundae, they could just order their own.”

I think drinks, appetizers and dessert are where it’s at here. Date Night was pretty funny -- it’s Adventures in Babysitting with a married couple, and probably an ideal flick for the Studio Movie Grill set-up. For example, I’m not sure I’d want the distraction of a plate of cheese fries being delivered to me while watching The Godfather. Well, actually, I’m always open to a cheese fries delivery, but I think some films might not benefit from the experience.

Scary movies totally would, though, and this is way boss -- every Wednesday and Thursday in April at 10 p.m., Studio Movie Grill is screening Horror Remix, where all the boring parts are cut out of a horror movie to leave you with just the good stuff. While sneaking in your own giant beers and grindhousing it up will be nigh-impossible what with the ninja servers, admission is free and it’s not like they don’t have beers there anyway.

Be careful, though! If you’re taking a bite and something spooky happens, you could end up with ranch dressing all over the place.

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7420 NW 87th Street | Kansas City, MO 64153

Full disclosure, in case we didn’t spell it out enough: We didn’t pay for any of this stuff. Thanks again to Studio Movie Grill for inviting us.

KFC Double Down

We’re taking a stand. All-star awareness-raising anthem to follow shortly.

Next Monday, KFC is adding the Double Down sandwich to its menu. The Double Down consists of two fried chicken breast filets, between which are a couple of strips of bacon, slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese, and a dollop of Colonel’s Sauce.

Keeping in mind that we are champions of the Whatafarm, some friends of Lunch Blog have suggested we check the Double Down out.

And usually, we totally would. But not this time. This chicken sandwich strikes us as fishy, and we don't see ourselves shelling out $5 to confirm our suspicions.

Colonel, just what are you attempting to pull off here? Quite frankly, the Double Down looks like you’re trying way too hard to jump on the “This Is Why You’re Fat” food porn bandwagon.

You say, “This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun.”

Tell you what, Colonel -- speaking as your customers, we'll be the judge of whether or not there's enough room for a bun, thank you very much.

Besides, without a bun or some sort of bread-related outer encasing, you shouldn’t be calling the Double Down a sandwich at all. Rather, it is a meat pile. Under normal circumstances, we’d be cool with that -- but Colonel, let’s keep it on the level.

Furthermore, even if we were willing to concede that the twin fried chicken breasts could function as a bread proxy, then that makes the Double Down nothing but a glorified, sauced-up bacon and cheese sandwich. Sure, we like a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich as much as the next guy, but it’s hardly groundbreaking.

The least you could do is make the fried chicken breasts bun-shaped.

And you’re also offering a version where the chicken is grilled? It's not even fried? What's the point? Come on. Own it. You can’t have it both ways.

Colonel.

Colonel, Colonel, Colonel.

This is behavior unbecoming of a man of your stature.

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Thanks to FoodGeekery.com for the picture. And here's an early report of the Double Down from The Consumerist.

Succotash

“Bacon tastes good.” --Vincent Vega

My sister turned 21 the other weekend and had a costume party to celebrate. Kelly and I went dressed as Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace from “Pulp Fiction” -- good thing my dad was there to recognize us, because none of the kids had any clue who we were supposed to be.

Anyway, that left us daughterless on Sunday morning. Babycakes had spent the night with Kelly’s parents and we didn’t have to pick her up until after naptime, so we decided to take advantage of the situation and go out for breakfast. Kelly was surprised when I suggested we check out the new Succotash.

She was a big fan of the old location in the River Market -- but the few times I went there a couple of years ago, I really didn’t like it. The place struck me as thrift shoppy, and it seems like my sandwiches were always 98% crusty bread, 2% fillings. However, I’d heard enough good things about the revamp that I was certainly willing to give the 4-month-old Succotash 2.0 a shot.

As soon as we walked in the door, we could see that Succotash has traded in the belabored kitsch for a more effortlessly vintage vibe. And even though it was fairly busy, we didn’t have to wait all that long to be seated and get coffee.

Café du Monde is poured at Succotash, and it is one fine cup. Better yet, there was no slacking off on the refills, with somebody coming around to top it off pretty often. Looking down to reach for my coffee, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrored table and discovered that no matter what angle you look at yourself in it, you have a fantastic view of what’s up your nose.

I ordered the Farmstand plate, which comes with eggs, home fries, bacon and your choice of toast or a biscuit. My choice was biscuit, add gravy. Kelly got the pancake of the day, and today that was blueberry. To make sure my wife knew what she was getting into, our server explained that at Succotash you only get a single pancake, but it’s super big.

There’s a ginormous painting on the wall of a lady with tomato bisque dripping down her chin, and from where I was sitting I had a hard time not looking at it while we were waiting for our food. We’re not the first and we won’t be the last to observe that it looks like she’s enjoying a big bowl of blood soup. The painting was way distracting, even more so once Kelly started hissing “Brains!” at me all “The Return of the Living Dead” zombie-style.

Just when we’d moved on to misquoting the “Pulp Fiction” diner scene to each other, our breakfasts arrived. Kelly’s pancake was indeed a monster -- it covered up her entire plate. Totally thick and chock full of blueberries. It almost made me wish I’d gone with my second choice, the Burrito of Love, which is a buttermilk pancake wrapped around scrambled eggs, bacon and cheddar cheese.

But then I would’ve missed out on the biscuits and gravy, and that would have been a tragedy -- this was some of the best B&G I’d ever had. The flavor was mysteriously like that of lightly sauced pizza. Seriously good bacon, too.

As a relocated Southerner, I also had an obligation to hunt for any succotash-related items on the menu. Here’s what I found:

1. Succotash Veggie Wrap, which consists of two eggs scrambled with succotash, sundried tomatoes and cheddar
2. A lemony lima bean hummus appetizer

I got a mean thing for lima beans, so I’m for sure going to have to stop in for lunch. Sandwiches come with a daily side. Is it too much to ask that when I return, maybe the daily side could be B&G?

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2601 Holmes | Kansas City, MO 64108

Jack Gage American Tavern

What this place needs is actual boxing. Or better yet, foxy boxing.

Having just reread Charles Ferruzza’s positive review of Jack Gage American Tavern in The Pitch when we were trying to settle on a location for Guys’ Night, I suggested the boxing-themed restaurant as a contender and everybody bought in. However, the agreed-upon date was still a couple of weeks away, and in the meantime my co-workers Sarah and Matt had started talking up Jack Gage even more. I couldn’t wait any longer, so I decided to stop in for lunch.

Scott, Zach and Dylan joined me on the initial run. Overall, it wasn’t bad -- although the hostess led us by several open four-tops to seat us right by the kitchen door in the back room. Compared to the rest of the place, this room has about as much character as an unfinished basement. It’s like they experienced a sudden shortage of large wooden boxing murals, prompting them to just hang up a TV and reserve that section exclusively for shady looking riff raff, boisterous work group lunches and families with crying babies.

I got the Flat-Iron Steak Sandwich ($8.99), and it was tasty despite the caramelized onions almost completely overpowering the steak with sweetness. Dylan ordered “The Upper Cut” Pork Tenderloin ($8.29) and liked it. And Zach and Scott got burgers -- respectively the Black & Bleu Burger ($6.99), and Jack’s Burger ($7.99), which is basically a bacon cheeseburger -- and while neither guy was crazy about their lunch, they both said their burger was good enough. So none of our entrees were big winners, but the service was friendly and there were enough intriguing menu items that I was looking forward to a return visit.

On Guys’ Night, I arrived first and ordered a Boulevard Tank 7, waiting at the ornately decorated bar for everybody else to get there. This was really my first opportunity to check out the décor, which I’d remembered The Pitch marveling over, yet due to being in the back room didn’t get much of a chance to take in the last time. Not too much later, Robert, Voytek, Adam and Dorsett showed up and we were seated. Again in the back room. Must be something about the company I keep. In retrospect, I should’ve said something.

There were so many different things I wanted to try, that Robert, Dorsett and I decided to split a bunch of stuff. We were all agreed on the Buttermilk Fried “Boneless” Chicken & Waffle and the Tavern Sliders Trio Platter, which comes with one each of an Angus Burger, a Buttermilk Chicken and a Maryland Crab Cake slider. Robert was championing the Hot Kentucky Brown sandwich, and we got that as well.

The food came. The food was fine. Slider-wise, my favorite was the Buttermilk Chicken, topped with bacon, onion and sour cream. I’ll tell you this, I don’t know why anyone would ever pick three Maryland Crab Cake Sliders for $12.99 over the Tavern Sliders Trio Platter for $7.99. (Adam got a full-size burger, and confirmed it has a nice flavor, too.)

When we got our Buttermilk Fried “Boneless” Chicken & Waffle ($15.99), we discovered the reason Jack Gage puts quotes around boneless is that each of the dual breasts had one weird extraneous bone jutting out. Topped with a sweet pecan bourbon maple glaze, it tasted good, but we were left a little baffled as to why the dish demanded such a hefty price tag. They didn’t church up the chicken and waffles that much.

As for the Kentucky Hot Brown ($7.99), this one was thoroughly underwhelming -- nothing more than an open-faced club sandwich, loaded way past the breaking point with a Swiss cheese glaze that was more like a heavy sauce. Side effect: Impromptu cheese fries. Now that, I did enjoy.

One thing I noticed on the menu is that they do love to add crabmeat to dishes here -- witness the Eggs on Crab Hash ($13.99), and for an upcharge you can have a couple of the steaks topped with crabmeat. I actually do really want to try the Tavern Crab Mac & Cheese. Made with nine cheeses, it sounds fantastic. On Fat City, Ferruzza and Jonathan Bender rated it the #1 mac and cheese dish in town.

The thing is, it’s $15.99. Do I ever need to pay $15.99 for macaroni and cheese? Could be great, but the Official Lunch Blog Position (OLBP™) is that mac and cheese performs best as a side dish. It’s not a main event. One scoop is plenty. How about a side portion or a half-order? Come on, Jack Gage. Help us out here.

Maybe that’s why my parties keep getting seated in the back room -- they don’t want us mingling with the crab-in-everything aristocracy. Ferruzza describes the tavern’s namesake as “a scrappy fight promoter -- a carny, really.” Considering that reputation, I wonder where Jack Gage himself would be seated?
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5031 Main Street | Kansas City, MO 64112

QuikTrip’s Buffalo Chicken Bites

Because sometimes I don’t want taquitos, except for the fact that I always want taquitos.

Buffalo Chicken Bites are the latest addition to QuikTrip’s roller grill wonderland, and the first time I saw them a couple of weeks ago, I almost got one for breakfast. However, I was in dire need of coffee, and even though coffee and buffalo wings are two of my most favorite things ever, I’m pretty sure they shouldn’t be enjoyed in tandem. That morning, my caffeine jones won.

So on our way to see RJD2 at Record Bar last Wednesday, I told Shaw about the Buffalo Chicken Bites. Considering what a connoisseur of QT rolling foods Shaw is, I was surprised he hadn’t heard of them already. Seriously, this is the guy who with his girlfriend brought over a variety box of burritos, taquitos and hot dogs to our New Year’s Day party. Clearly, we were going to need to make a stop at QT.

Buffalo Chicken Bites are 2 for $2 or $1.19 each, and I think having the word bite in the name is misleading. While you can take bites of one, the item in and of itself doesn’t constitute a bite per se. Unless you consider a bite to be the size of roughly five cubic inches of buffalo chicken.

I wasn’t really sure what to expect. They look like giant reddish-orange mozzarella sticks. Or as if they might house a filling of sauce and diced chicken within a thick and bready deep-fried capsule.

Sinking my teeth into my Buffalo Chicken Bite, the barely-there fried coating offered little in the way of crispiness, but did have a medium level of buffalo heat cooked into it. The interior was made up of some sort of chicken log, with the consistency and flavor of packaged luncheon loaf before it’s cut into individual slices.

Taking about eight bites to finish, my Buffalo Chicken Bite was remarkably mess-free, save for a little bit of grease on my fingers afterward. And it might just be in my mind, but curiously, I found it to have an aftertaste like that of cheese.

Shaw and I both agreed the Buffalo Chicken Bites were neither bad nor by no means great. Actually, they were kind of gross. I don’t think I’d ever choose a Buffalo Chicken Bite over a roller grill burrito -- but then again, there’s no saying what depths I’ll sink to whenever that crave for buffalo sauce kicks in.

What do you think the next QT rolling food breakthrough will be? Here’s my prediction: Stickburgers.

The Burger Stand

If asked to express our feelings for this place by using the name of a fictional band, we’d answer Loveburger.

Yo La Tengo* was at The Granada the other week, and I was lucky enough to score a couple of free tickets from Lawrence.com. Shaw met up with me for the show, although truth be told, he had ulterior motives for making the drive down from KC on a cold Tuesday night -- a chance to finally eat at The Burger Stand. I haven’t shut up about this place since last summer, and he was ready to see if it lived up to the hype.

The Burger Stand opened a year ago, and quite frankly, I could eat here every day. It’s actually located inside Dempsey’s Irish Pub in the former home of Rick’s Place, which moved to 9th & Illinois a while back. You may recall that Rick’s Place was what the gin joint in "Casablanca" was colloquially known as. In college, we played darts here a lot. Never once saw a Nazi.

This was the first time I’d been to The Burger Stand for dinner, and it was much more packed than I’ve ever seen it at lunch. Looking at the menu posted over the counter at the bar, Shaw and I decided on The Classic ($6.99), so that he could see just how incredible these burgers are even when relatively unadorned. We also got the pork burger that was one of the day’s specials ($8.99, but I lost my receipt so don’t quote me).

We placed our order and got a couple of beers. Dempsey’s has a pretty good selection on tap, including Boulevard’s Tank 7. When drinking in Lawrence, however, I still feel compelled to get the cheapest beer available, and tonight that was Boulevard Wheat on special for $2.50. With beers in hand, we sat down at one of the only three tables open, and waited for our names to be called to come and get our burgers. Considering how busy it was, I was surprised we didn’t have to wait all that long.

The Classic is basically The Burger Stands’s cheeseburger, topped with Vermont cheddar and locally grown micro-greens. Like most of the burgers on the regular menu, the 1/2 lb. patty is made with a custom blend of tenderloin, strip steak and ribeye, resulting in a phenomenal, melt-in-your-mouth taste that’s unlike anything I’ve experienced elsewhere. The brioche bun makes it even better.

But when a pork burger is the special, that’s what I’m getting nine times out of ten -- I’ve had three or four of them now, and they’ve all been insanely delicious. Tonight’s pork burger came topped with salsa verde, Chihuahua cheese and chicharones. Just a few bites in, Shaw said, “I don’t ever want to stop eating this.”

The week before, I got a pork burger topped with blackberry mole, blanched almonds and queso fresco. I thought then it must be the toppings that made it so good -- the almonds were super-thin, giving it a bit of a snap to look forward to in each bite. So I was very excited that tonight’s special still had that can’t miss flavor that made the other burger so memorable, yet with toppings different enough that it wasn’t like I was having the same thing twice. Must be the way the pork burger’s patty is seasoned.

For fries, The Burger Stand has regular ($1 with a burger, $3 for a basket), sweet potato ($2, $4), truffle ($2, $5), duck fat ($3, $6) and chili ($3, $6). Don’t get me wrong, the regular fries and the sweet potato fries are both fine, but to truly complement the flavor of these burgers, an upgrade to the truffle butter is necessary. The duck fat fries were a little on the gamey side for me, and I’ve yet to try the chili fries ($3, $6), which seems like a glaring oversight on my part.

Occasionally, the Burger Stand offers poutine -- fries coated with gravy and cheese curds ($4, $7). If poutine is an option, do it. I’m told that in a perfect world The Burger Stand would fix poutine every day, the only problem being they can't find a steady cheese curd supply. Blog Friend Nick suggests Shatto Milk Company and The Burger Stand get to know each other and fast to make poutine a permanent addition to the menu.

Lest this sound like a total mash note to The Burger Stand, I’ll mention my disappointment in the Black & Blue ($7.50), a burger that for me was one and done. It sounded awesome, with an intriguing combination of blackening spice, bleu cheese and apple chutney -- too bad there was way too much of the chutney on it, and the tartness totally overpowered everything else. But yeah, besides that, all the other burgers I’ve had here have been outstanding.

So congrats to you, Burger Stand. We hereby decree you Lunch Blog’s Favorite Burger, an honor given in both recognition of the excellence of your everyday menu as well as your adventurous specials. If you would like to celebrate by offering us free burgers for life, we will protest slightly in order to appear as if we have some sort of scruples, before we ultimately accept.

And now we’re excited to hear The Burger Stand people will soon be opening up Esquina, a taqueria at 8th & Mass where the Round Corner Drug Store used to be. As much as I love burgers, I love tacos even more, and I can’t wait to check that action out.

*If you're a Mr. Show fan and you haven't seen the video for Yo La Tengo's "Sugarcube," do yourself a favor and watch it now.


UPDATE: The Burger Stand has moved -- now it's in The Casbah on Mass Street.

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Dempsey's: 623 Vermont | Lawrence, KS 66044

The Casbah: 803 Massachusetts Street | Lawrence KS 66044