QuikTrip's Cheeseburger Rollers

What we’d give to spend a day at the Roller Grill Laboratory.

Back in February when Shaw and I gave our take on QT’s Buffalo Chicken Bites, I predicted that the next QT rolling food would be stickburgers.

Ladies and gents, announcing QuikTrip’s latest -- Cheeseburger Rollers (2 for $2, or $1.19 each).

Soon as we saw them, we couldn’t wait to give them a try -- especially once we noticed all the grease the Cheeseburger Rollers were caking onto the grill. That’s how you know a burger is good.

We each put a Cheeseburger Roller on a bun and started loading them up with condiments. Ketchup, mustard and onions from a packet for me.

Flecked with cheese inside, Cheeseburger Rollers taste like a cross between a hamburger and brown-and-serve breakfast sausages. They’re “burgery.” Like if you’d never had a burger before and someone was to describe a burger to you, this is how you might think a burger would taste.

Hot dog buns aren't really the ideal Cheeseburger Rollers handling device, either -- too bready. While a hot dog has the snap of its casing to pronounce itself from the bun, the Cheeseburger Roller just gets lost in there.

Cheeseburger Rollers are a valiant effort, if not a thoroughly successful one in our opinion. Still, we here at Lunch Blog admire QuikTrip’s tenacity, and would like to offer up these suggestions for QT’s next rolling creation:

• Tso Kebabs
• Gyrollers (or perhaps, Shawarma Fingers)
• Chicken Fried Steak Dipsticks with Gravy
• Philly Cheesesteak Rollninis
• Barbecue Logs
• Meatball Oblongers

Also, there’s got to be a way to adapt Cheesy Blasters to the roller grill. And how has QuikTrip not yet brought back Frankenfurters? Or am I the only person that remembers those? Frankenfurters were hollow hot dogs filled with chili that you could get at the grocery store, and I think the last time I saw them was in the ‘80s.

What would you like to see added to the QT Roller Grill Wonderland?


Update 7/29/20: Who remembers Frankenfurters? Chimpotle does -- and he remembered they were actually called Frank 'N Stuff, too. Here's a commercial.

Tower Tavern

Nerdery for the win.

We chose Tower Tavern for Guys’ Night the other week for two reasons. Number one, we wanted to play in the Tuesday night trivia game. Number two, the menu features a dish called “Pork Wings,” and you know that’s something we’d have to try.

Even though the game doesn’t start until 8 p.m., we arrived a little bit before Happy Hour ended at 7 so we could take advantage of the $5 appetizers special. We got an order of buffalo wings and the Tower Sliders, on the latter opting for the Deluxe version, which runs $1 more. Since the special doesn’t include Pork Wings, we decided to wait until later for those.

The dollar extra for the Deluxe Tower Sliders was well spent -- they’re excellent. You get three of them, and each one easily has 3 oz. of flavor tucked in the 2 oz. patty, but it’s the garlicky cream cheese and bacon that really make them. They come with some fantastic fries that have just the right crispy-potato ratio, too. As for the wings, they were good, albeit nothing out of the ordinary.

Shortly before the game started, the host stopped by our table to ask what our team name was going to be, and for lack of any better options we went with Fred. During the first round, we stuck mostly to the category of Three Word Band Names. We almost got stumped on who did “Desperately Wanting,” on account of Better Than Ezra being one of the world’s most forgettable bands ever.

We also got to pick up some extra points when a team of three guys at the bar called Jake, the Fatman & Cynthia were unable to answer their question from the Games category, and challenged us with it. The question was: What does LARP stand for?

Come on, if anybody in there was going to know what LARPing was, it was us -- it’s Live Action Role Playing. Perhaps our nerdery isn’t as outwardly apparent as I thought.

It became surprising all the more that Jake, et al. didn’t know that answer, when between rounds I overheard them talking Doctor Who. Took nearly all my self-restraint not to join in and make that my second Time Lord-related conversation of the day. (I’ve been listening to Chris Hardwick’s Nerdist podcast lately, and it’s empowered me to let my inner geek flag fly much more proudly.)

Before the next round started, we ordered a meatball sub ($7.50). While the meatballs themselves were tasty, overall I found it undersauced and o-cheesed, served on a roll that was too soft for this kind of sandwich. Side-wise, we got the house-made potato chips, and they were good, if not nearly as good as the fries we’d had with the Deluxe Tower Sliders.

At long last we ordered the aforementioned Pork Wings ($9), too. They’re pork shanks that are braised and flash-fried, and tossed in a bourbon-cider barbecue sauce. Pretty delicious. An order of these plus an order of buffalo wings would be about the best thing you could pair with the $2.50 Budweiser and Bud Light Tallboys that are the Tuesday night beer special.

During the second round of trivia, which included a Beatles category that I was especially excited about, we were able to build on our lead. In the category of The Afterlife, one of our opponents was given the question: Who was the jackal-headed god of the Egyptians who advocated the practice of mummifying bodies?

They missed it, and the question went out to the house. Conferring with my teammates, I guessed Mumm-Ra, but that’s actually the archenemy of the Thundercats, not to mention total dork city. Luckily, Shaw knew the right answer was Anubis, which really is just about as dorky.

Before the Final Jeopardy-style ending round, there was a speed challenge that we won by naming five characters from The Lord of the Rings the fastest. Truthfully, I’m a little ashamed of this. Sure, I dig Doctor Who, but Tolkien geeks are a whole other level of nerd that I don’t care much to associate myself with.

Our last question of the night came from the category Capitals, which meant Shaw was going to have to field it singlehandedly, because Dorsett had to leave early and I don’t know real stuff. The question was: Name one of the two state capitals that border another state. Thankfully, none of the other teams got the answer either, and we won the big game.

Now if the category had been something like Space Capitals with a question along the lines of, “Name the home planet of the Time Lords” -- that, I would’ve been all over.

This marked the first time I’ve ever been on a victorious bar trivia team -- and frankly, I was due for a win. Considering we made it happen while eating Pork Wings, I think that makes for a nice little piece of poetic justice.

Happy Hour at Tower Tavern lasts from 4 to 7 p.m., Monday through Friday, with select appetizers for $5. Trivia goes down every Tuesday at 8 p.m. It’s free to play, and the prize is bragging rights, which along with $9 will get you an order of Pork Wings.

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401 E. 31st Street | Kansas City, MO 64108

The Test Kitchen's Ultimate Cocktail Party

Per the Test Kitchen Pledge, “Let us indulge.”

The Test Kitchen is a totally cool concept. It’s an underground supper club where prestigious Kansas City chefs prepare fancy meals for a select number of guests at secret locations.

Ever since learning about The Test Kitchen, I’ve wanted to attend one of these events. However, as befitting something with this air of surreptitious exclusivity, the recommended donations are usually kind of steep and that’s kept me from entering the lottery for seats.

So when I got the invitation for The Test Kitchen’s Ultimate Cocktail Party and saw that this time around the recommended donation was a more doable $40, I wasn’t going to miss out. Shaw and I put our names in the lottery, and a couple of days later I was way excited to get the email telling us we were go.

Here’s how all that works. First, you sign up at The Test Kitchen’s website to get on the mailing list for upcoming events, announced via save the date emails. Shortly after the save the date emails go out, they’re followed by invitations that include more detailed info about the chef and menu, plus the amount of the recommended donation. If you want to attend, you reply to the invitation and are entered into the lottery. Those lucky people that score seats are notified by email and once they’re paid up, only then are they told the whereabouts of the big night.

The Ultimate Cocktail Party was held at The Terrace on Grand on Tuesday, May 25, and when we arrived a couple of minutes after 7 p.m., the doorman told us the underground supper club was actually meeting on the roof. We took the elevator up and were greeted by The Test Kitchen's Founder [REDACTED], and then promptly got in line for drinks.

Tonight’s cocktails were being prepared by Manifesto’s Ryan Maybee, and he was offering two selections. We started with the Word on the Street, made with Hendrick’s Gin, St. Germaine Elderflower Liqueur, Thatcher’s Organic Cucumber and fresh lemon juice. I am solidly against cucumbers except for when they are pickles -- although unsurprisingly it turns out I don’t mind cucumbers when they’re soaked in booze, either.

As good as the Word on the Street was, I preferred the Equinox. It was made with Reposado Tequila, Aperol, strawberry-sage syrup, fresh lime juice and a splash of ginger beer. The kick of the ginger beer is really what did it for me -- more drinks should have ginger beer in them.

While we were enjoying our cocktails, I saw somebody I knew in the line for drinks, which by that point had grown crazy long. Walking over to say hello, I tripped and spilled a couple of drops -- a few thirsty people watched that happen, and registered understandable looks of horror. I deserved every nasty glare.

Meanwhile, Chef Howard Hanna of the Kansas City River Club was serving up small bites. Among them were some rather delicious deviled quail eggs with caviar. I’d never had quail eggs before, and to me they were much eggier than the chicken variety. Following our trip to Benton’s Prime Steakhouse, this marked the second time I’ve had caviar, and I still have no concept of what it tastes like.

There was also a creamy and awesome chicken liver pate. On our second trip through the line, there was hardly any left. I’m not ashamed to say that with some encouragement from one of the servers, I used a slice of grilled bread to scoop up as much of the pate from the bowl as I could.

No shocker, our favorite small bite was the one that was fried -- arancini stuffed with pork confit, taleggio and sage. Shaw looked at the menu and seemed a little confused. “Wait,” he said. “So these aren’t just called pork balls?”

He next asked me how many arancini I thought I could eat. I replied I was confident I could do a dozen with ease, before topping out around 15. Shaw gave me a questioning stare of disappointment and declared, “Really? Because I’m pretty sure I could eat 40.”

Rounding out the small bites were grilled asparagus with Umbrian black summer truffles, heirloom radishes and baby turnips with ramp aioli, Shatto cheese curds and capicola.

As the sun began to set, The Test Kitchen's Founder called together all the Test Kitchen Disciples (that’s people who have previously attended a Test Kitchen event) to lead the rest of us Newbies in The Test Kitchen Pledge. With 60 people in attendance tonight, whereas most events have hosted closer to 20, this was the largest number of people to take The Test Kitchen Pledge and be initiated at one time. Then we were given our pledge pins. I can't imagine this is all that different from Skull & Bones.

Later on while The Test Kitchen's Founder was making the rounds, [REDACTED] stopped to chat with us, and Shaw and I got to learn more about the inspiration for the club. Mostly my major goal during our conversation with the Founder was not to make an idiot out of myself and say something dumb like, “So how about those pork balls?”

After one more Equinox, it was time to scoot. We thoroughly dug the Ultimate Cocktail Party, and I’m going to have to set aside some scratch to splurge on an upcoming Test Kitchen event.

Until then, Chef Hanna, can you please make the Shaw vs. 40 Arancini Challenge happen?

Benton's Prime Steakhouse

In the words of Le Torche Humaine, “Flambé on!”

Two weeks ago, the restaurant formerly known as Benton’s Steak & Chop House held an event to reintroduce itself as Benton’s Prime Steakhouse. Your Lunch Bloggers were excited when we got an invitation -- and if you’ve read the blog before, you can understand why we were a little perplexed, too. Either way, we weren’t going to pass up the opportunity to check out Benton’s menu.

Robert: Located on the 20th floor of the Westin Crown Center, the bar at Benton’s has a great view of downtown Kansas City. Kelly and I arrived a couple of minutes before Shaw, and I got a glass of wine while we waited.

Shaw: I’d actually been to Benton’s a few times before, but only on Thursdays for $5 martinis. After all, while we here at Lunch Blog enjoy classy drinks, we also pride ourselves on maintaining a thrifty, Depression-era financial outlook.

Robert: Kelly and I had already done some recon on the starters, and as soon as Shaw arrived, we got in line for the Lobster Bisque ($12). Normally flambéed tableside but tonight prepared at a non-roving flambé station, the bisque was creamy and delicious.

Shaw: Good salads, as well. There was a Caesar Salad ($9), Tomatoes & Fresh Mozzarella ($10), and, my favorite, the Spinach Salad ($9). With strawberries and a warm bacon dressing, the salad was contained within a fried cheese cup. I don’t know if the salad usually comes in a regular bowl, but I do know this -- ceramic dinnerware isn’t nearly as tasty as fried cheese.

Robert: We also had a bite of “Show-Me-State” Caviar ($49/1.5 oz., $99/4 oz.), which we are in no way qualified to pass any kind of judgment on, having never actually been in the same room as caviar before, much less tasted it.

Shaw: But it was the fine array of meats we were looking most forward to. Benton’s did not disappoint, offering samples of many different entrees, including a few that aren’t on the regular menu.

There was a buttery-soft Prime Rib ($34/12 oz., $42/16 oz.), which was accompanied by a demi-glace au jus that added the right amount of saltiness. Also fantastic was the Garlic & Mint Marinated Lamb Rack -- the guy carving it recommended a drizzle of béarnaise sauce, but I liked the lamb even more without it.

Robert: I couldn’t get enough of the Grass-Fed Bison Striploin ($36/12 oz.), so smoky and flavorful -- I was told while the bison had been smoked for tonight, it usually is not. I would’ve gone back over and over for more, but I started to feel like I was pushing my luck on my second return visit and was afraid of getting the stinkeye.

I hereby propose we create the Lunch Blog Super-Sneaky “Mr. Debonair” Instant Disguise & Moustache Kit for the next time we encounter this scenario.

Shaw: Flambéed Sirloin was being prepared at another station. Thinly sliced and tender, I really liked the savory brown sauce and mushrooms the sirloin was topped with. Finally, I think the only reason the Herb-Crusted Angus Tenderloin didn’t stand out all that much to me was because all the other meats were so awesome.

Robert: Over at the sides, Kelly really liked the Herb Crusted Yam & Potato Pave with Onion Soubise ($9). I had a couple of bites and thought it was pretty good. Would’ve had more if I hadn’t been preoccupied with scheming up ways to score more bison.

Shaw: For dessert, I can’t say enough good things about the Bananas Foster ($19) -- bananas sautéed with butter and brown sugar, flambéed with rum and banana liquor, and served over vanilla ice cream.

Robert: This is the perhaps the only circumstance under which I think I would ever want to partake of banana liquor.

Shaw: What with the Lobster Bisque, Flambéed Sirloin and Bananas Foster, they sure do love to flambé stuff at Benton’s.

Robert: That dramatic, potentially dangerous presentation doesn’t come as too much of a surprise to me, since the kitchen is led by Chef Quentin Tarantino.

Shaw: I believe his name is actually Martin Heuser.

Robert: Are you sure? He looks an awful lot like Quentin Tarantino.

Shaw: As we were eating, General Manager Brent Grider explained the reason the restaurant’s name is being changed to Benton’s Prime Steakhouse -- Benton’s now features only beef certified as prime, representing the top 2 percent of all beef available. Benton’s also dry ages their steaks for at least 21 days.

Grider went on to say that during the month of June, Benton’s will be donating 10 percent of its revenue to the United Way.

Robert: While we’d love to go back and eat for a good cause, here at Lunch Blog our pockets only run so deep. Still, we can appreciate what Benton’s is doing, and in that spirit during the month of June we will pledge 10 percent of all our fast food purchases to the United Way.

Shaw: Hey, that’s 8.9 cents per Beefy 5-Layer Burrito. Not too shabby.

Thanks again to Benton’s Prime Steakhouse for inviting us to this event.

For items that don’t have a price listed, as far as we can tell it’s not on the regular menu.
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1 West Pershing Road | Kansas City, MO 64108

RC's Restaurant & Lounge

Totally fowl.

I love fried chicken. Two weeks before Guys’ Night we chose RC’s Restaurant & Lounge as our destination, and immediately an internal countdown started in my head. Unfortunately, what the evening had in store for me was the worst fried chicken I’ve ever had ever.

Shaw, Dorsett, Adam and I all showed up at RC’s at about 7 p.m., and unanimously agreed we were ready to crush some fried chicken. As we entered the massive red and white building, we noticed a sign outside advertising the Chicken for Four special ($31.95). Ten pieces of chicken and sides -- perfect.

RC’s was bustling and looked to be doing some good business when we were seated in the wood-paneled dining room, the background music soundtracking us with '80s pop like Howard Jones and Billy Joel. (Man, I can't stand Billy Joel.)

Checking out the menu, it didn’t take any of us much convincing that we should also get some wings ($7.95). Then we added on a plate of livers and gizzards ($7.95), which did require a little bit of convincing from me and Adam to Shaw and Dorsett.

Our server came by to take our order. Asking us what kind of salad we’d like with our chicken dinners, she told us our options were Italian and something else that I couldn’t understand either of the times I asked her to repeat herself. Ultimately, I just went with Italian, although later I wondered if I should’ve rolled the dice and said, “I’ll take the second one.”

The appetizers arrived, and they were thoroughly underwhelming. The sauce on the wings had combined with the breading to create a spongy coating. As for the livers and gizzards, they were oddly flavorless. Coming with a standard cocktail sauce plus some gravy that didn’t have much of a taste beyond floury, the livers and gizzards didn’t even have that much use for dipping.

Shortly thereafter we got our salads, closely followed by the rest of our food. With the Chicken for Four, you get four breasts, two legs, two thighs and two wings, as well as mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and biscuits.

Each of us started with a breast, which was instantly forgettable. They looked delicious, but like the livers and gizzards, didn’t taste like anything. Our sides weren’t any better -- both the mashed potatoes and green beans were bland, and the biscuit was a rock. Even though the salad wasn’t particularly special, bafflingly it turned out to be the high point of my meal.

Up until now, RC’s had just been one big disappointment -- win some, lose some, no big deal. However, we still had six pieces of chicken left. And while everybody else decided to pass, I figured I might as well give RC’s one more shot, and picked up a drumstick.

That’s where the experience irreparably fell apart.

Biting into the drumstick was what I imagine sinking my teeth into wet paper mache might be like -- sticky and chewy and wrong. I’m not sure what it tasted like, only that it didn’t taste like food.

During the hour or so it took us to eat, the dining room had emptied out. We paid our bill, and unable to muster the enthusiasm to think of different places to go, headed upstairs to RC’s Back Door Bar & Grill, so named because the bar’s main entrance is on the rear of the building.

“Land of Confusion” by Genesis was playing when we walked in the Back Door Bar, making it seem kind of like the ‘80s music was following us throughout the building, except this version was a remake by Disturbed. I choose to believe that no matter what song is playing in the main restaurant, a nu-metal cover of it is blasting upstairs.

Tonight’s special was $1 PBRs, so at least we could have some cheap beers. After spotting a "Test Your Strength" punching machine, having learned a valuable lesson at our last Guys’ Night, we took the table farthest away from it despite the fact there weren't that many people at the Back Door Bar.

Shaw pointed out a nearby patron eating a club sandwich, and we all concurred we would’ve rather had that than the fried chicken. Eventually we realized we were talking exclusively about how much we didn’t like this place, so we decided to cut our losses and call it a night.

Look, here at Lunch Blog, we take no satisfaction out of giving a place the thumbs down. RC’s has been around since the early ‘70s and it looked like there were a lot of regulars in there, so it’s got to have something going for it. Hopefully our experience was just a fluke -- if you’ve been to RC’s, we’d love to hear what you thought of the place.
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330 East 135th Street | Martin City, MO 64145

Carollo’s Italian Deli

Number one, extra hot.

I don’t remember the first time I ate here at Carollo’s, but I feel like I should. After all, it’s not every day you discover your favorite sandwich.

It’s the #1, and it comes with capicola, salami, prosciutto and provolone. However, simply stepping up to the counter to order your sandwich won’t get you the full experience. There are two more key steps.

First, ask to have your sandwich extra hot, and you’ll get it topped with a spicy mix of pickled peppers and veggies. Don’t worry -- unless you have a seriously low tolerance for heat, it’s nothing you can’t handle.

The extra hot treatment also fulfills a more practical function -- getting your sandwich down to a manageable vertical bulk. The oil that comes standard on the sandwich already helps to reduce the bread’s volume some, but to finish the job you really need the added juice from the peppers and veggies. Without it, the bread’s crusty exterior has the same roof-shredding capabilities as Cap’n Crunch.

Second, watch closely to see who is making your sandwich. There are usually three people working behind the counter, and they all make a mean sandwich
-- but the undisputed champ is the tall guy with the crew cut. Time it so that he takes your order, and you’re golden. If this involves a distraction strategy for line position jockeying and/or sandwich ganking purposes, so be it.

The #1 Extra Hot is ridiculously tasty, and big enough to choke a shark. Along with a bag of chips, it’ll run you a mere $6.23.

One of these days, though, I’m going to have to try it with a side of the seafood salad. Carollo’s sells the salad in bulk, and stores it in a barrel over by the door. It’s got dismembered octopus in it.
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9 East 3rd Street | Kansas City, MO 64106

Swagger

We came for wings. Not a knuckle sandwich.

For Guys’ Night this month, we headed to Swagger for Monkey Mondays, when the special is $2 Flying Monkey pints and fifty cent wings. I arrived first, took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender was pretty friendly and surprisingly frank, too -- I overheard a fellow patron ask him about one of the many beers Swagger has on tap, and his reply was, “Honestly, it’s not that good.”

All the seating in Swagger’s bar half had filled up by the time Robert, Dorsett and Voytek finally got there, so we made our way to the other side of the place, which aside from a couple of rowdy Golden Tee enthusiasts was mostly abandoned. We grabbed a high-top table and started to study the menu. Little did we know we’d already made a tactical error that would come to haunt us later.

For now, though, it was all about wings. Swagger offers four varieties -- buffalo, jerk, bbq and Cajun -- and we ordered a ton of each. Robert and I also got the Suribachi Burger to split.

Normally, the more kinds of wings a place has, the more average I expect them to be across the board -- so I’m excited to say that the wings at Swagger are delicious. Each variety has an excellent blend of heat and flavor. Here’s a rundown, from dry to wet:

• Cajun -- somehow buttery yet nearly sauceless, with the spices fried in
• BBQ -- tossed in a sauce more spicy than sweet, and then grilled for a nice cooked-in coating
• Buffalo -- one of the better, more well-balanced buffalo sauces I’ve had in town
• Jerk -- with a thick, dark brown peppery-sweet sauce, these were my second favorite after the buffalo

The Suribachi Burger is a 1/3 lb beef patty dipped in tempura batter and deep-fried, then topped with Asian mustard, pepper jack cheese, Sriracha sauce and wasabi coleslaw. I was dying to try it, despite some cautionary words from Voytek, who is currently in med school but should really keep it to himself until he’s a full-on doctor.

Overall, taste-wise the burger struck me as maybe a little too far on the hot end of the ideal heat-to-flavor scale, and surprisingly the batter didn’t add that much to the experience. However, the wasabi coleslaw was fantastic, and the hand-cut fries were great -- perfectly cooked and seasoned.

This is the part where I explain our aforementioned tactical error. Right by our table was a “Test Your Strength” boxing-style punching machine, and about the time we finished eating, a couple of guys wandered over to give it a go.

Okay, putting a punching machine in a bar? Horrible idea, for two key reasons. First off, it costs a dollar. Let’s say you get liquored up and angry enough to want to hit something, and then find out it’s a buck to take a swing. You’ll be looking for some free punching bags before long.

Second, there’s a whole public humiliation aspect to it if you don’t hit it hard enough, and come in on the lower end of the machine’s arbitrary and ridiculous ranking system. The levels are:

• Hopeless -- depicted as a sweaty fat guy
• Anemic -- a skinny old man that looks curiously like Alan Alda
• Brutal -- another old man, but short and droopy
• Killer -- who looks like a mustachioed Izzy Mandelbaum
• Superman -- a muscular, pretty boy type
• Boxer -- a very angry ‘roid case whose shoulders have swallowed the lower half of his head

Doing our best to avoid eye contact with the punching machine’s patrons, we somehow ended up talking to one of them anyway. The conversation went from agreeing that the machine was clearly broken because it wasn’t fully registering the hurt he was putting on it, to declining the opportunity to throw a punch at it on his dollar, to politely yet in no uncertain terms saying thanks but no thanks to a round of shots. And then the next thing you know, he was on his way to the bar to get us all shots anyway.

We never saw him again. Half an hour later when we went to the bar to tab out, neither he nor his friend were anywhere to be seen.

Aside from that, we had a great time at Swagger. I’m definitely interested in checking out more of the menu.

I’m just not sitting anywhere near that damn machine. ___________________________________
8431 Wornall Road | Kansas City, MO 64114