Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 4)

This would’ve been much easier if White Castle served crepes.

Rooster

The one thing Kelly really wanted to get on this trip was crepes, and out of all the creperies we could find online, Rooster definitely seemed the most intriguing. It looked to be a hip little place downtown, and quite frankly, the websites for the other creperies were kind of sad and Rooster had a pretty cool logo. Decision made.

Looking over the menu, I thought real hard about the savory brie crepe with roasted spiced apples, but ultimately went with the G.B.L.T. ($7.95) It’s filled with goat cheese, bacon, romaine lettuce and tomato -- and come on, you can’t go wrong with goat cheese and bacon. While typing this, I actually just remembered what G.B.L.T. usually stands for. Wonder if that’s intentional.

Kelly got hers with Nutella and strawberries ($6.95), and when our crepes arrived, we had to stop and admire them for a minute. They were so artfully constructed, we almost felt bad cutting into them. Almost. When we finally did take and trade bites of each, we agreed they were both outstanding. Just look at that bacon peeking out the end of mine.

And while I’m sure the following is true of Kansas City and other cities during the weekend, the streets of downtown St. Louis this morning were eerily quiet and deserted. It was like the daytime scenes in "I Am Legend." Creepy.

I’d probably risk death by vampire for the chance to try that brie crepe, though.

White Castle

After a trip to Trader Joe’s, it was finally FINALLY time to go to White Castle. How I made it 36 hours in St. Louis without going to White Castle, I’ll never know. So we hopped on the highway, figuring for sure we’d stumble across one.

Not so much.

We drove and drove, and I was starting to get seriously nervous. Eventually we stopped for directions at a gas station. While the people working there were no help, lucky for me a guy buying one of the biggest sodas I’ve ever seen was able to tell us how to get to not just one but the three closest White Castles.

When we got there, I couldn’t run to the counter fast enough. I ordered a Sack Meal 1 -- four Sliders (add cheese), crinkly fries and a soda ($5.45). The guy in line behind me got a Crave Case to go ($17.75, without cheese). That’s 30 burgers to take with him, packed in a sweet cardboard briefcase. I was beyond jealous, and would’ve gotten a Crave Case myself to bring back to KC if the practice of freezing and reheating sliders didn’t sound so iffy. (The website also has instructions for making White Chili Castle. Now that’s something I’d like to try.)

Kelly did it wrong and got a couple of chicken sandwiches. Whatever. At Krystal, sure -- especially if the Spicy Chik is an option -- but when it comes to White Castle, it’s all about Sliders and Sliders only.

Of course, right after we got back on the highway, we passed like three more White Castles. Kelly was adamantly opposed to stopping for round two, though.

Good thing a return trip to St. Louis may soon be warranted. For one thing, The Bangles are playing at The Pageant on May 2, right across the street from Pi Pizzeria. Different Light has been one of my favorite records ever since sixth grade. I know -- T-U-F-F, right?

Another reason is that we picked up some Trader Joe’s Cinnamon Schoolbook Cookies that are shaped like letters for the kiddo, and she’s big into them. So big into them that I’m a little nervous about the fury she might unleash when we run out.

Yes, we’re going to need to go back.

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Rooster: 1104 Locust Street | St. Louis, MO 63102

Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 3)

Rollin’ down the street, sipping on Gin & Squirt. (Laid back, and so forth.)

Gian-Tony's Ristorante
Forty-five minute wait? No problem! We’ll just have a seat at the bar.

To be honest, I’d be a little disappointed and a lot suspicious if we were able to get a table right away. Besides, the wait is a big part of the whole Italian restaurant experience for me -- talking to the bartender, people watching and all that. And I’m glad to say that we had a great time here at Gian-Tony’s Ristorante, even if my entrée turned out to be okay at best. More on that in a minute, though.

Sitting at the end of the bar, Kelly and I opened up the wine list to take a look. Seeing as how Gian-Tony’s descriptions were crazy eloquent, I’ll just go ahead and repeat what it said about our selections.

• Sterling Vintner's Collection Cabernet Sauvignon: "Distinctive aromas of ripe blackberries, pepper, toast and hints of smoked meats are followed by subtle notes of light chocolate mint and vanilla."
• Villa Rozzi Nero D'Avola: "An intense inky red, the Nero D'Avola seductively reveals a gorgeous perfume of blackberry liqueur, white flowers and a hint of figs delivered in a leather basket."

After reading that, one of us was totally obligated to get the Villa Rozzi. It was practically made for us, since Kelly and I so often show up on our friends’ doorsteps bearing leather baskets full of white flowers and figs. It’s kind of our thing.

Both the Villa Rozzi and the Sterling Vintner lived up to the hype taste-wise. Then, 45 minutes right on the dot later, we were seated.

As mentioned, I didn’t much care for my entrée. I ordered the Seafood Ravioli ($15.25), which per the menu is “Stuffed with shrimp, crab and clam, finished in a light tomato sauce with white wine, butter, garlic and diced bay scallops.” It’s not like it tasted bad -- it just didn’t taste like anything at all, and the sauce was barely there.

The Polla Alla Romana ($17.50) that Kelly got, however, was ridiculously flavorful. “Breaded with prosciutto ham, broiled, finished in a white wine sauce (with a) touch of sage," it was perfectly cooked with a good crisp and topped with mozzarella. The couple of bites that Kelly gave me more than made up for the Seafood Ravioli.

I’d love to try some of Gian-Tony’s other entrees. That said, considering the drastic difference in the two we had tonight, if we went back I’d probably take the safe route and get the Polla Alla Romana again. Gian-Tony’s isn’t outrageously pricey, but it’s pricey enough that I don’t care to risk a game of menu roulette.

34 Club
After dinner, we took a drive around the neighborhood of our hotel to try and find a bar within walking distance to grab a beer. Most of the places looked way too packed or too loud for us to have a conversation, so we ended up at this hole in the wall -- and please know I mean that in the most positive way.

I don’t know if it’s always like this, but tonight’s clientele at 34 Club was decidedly mixed. There was:

• A group of hipsters, who looked like they were dressed more for an ooncha-ooncha dance-a-teria
• Some guys and their huge dogs, one of which was the spitting image of Sprocket from Fraggle Rock
• Another guy who struck me as kind of a dorky Kid Rock -- he was hunkered down at the bar and had the fedora paired with vest and t-shirt look going, but with floppy hair

Since PBR tallboys were only $2.50, I got us a couple of those. Meanwhile, “Paradise City” came on the jukebox and Dorky Kid Rock’s girlfriend started doing some stripper moves behind him, yet well enough within his peripheral vision that he had to have known what was going on. When Dorky Kid Rock finally acknowledged her after actively ignoring the show for most of the song, I couldn’t tell if he was just disinterested or mildly annoyed. Either way, nobody was acting like this was anything out of the ordinary.

A sign behind the bar said, “Try a Cold Gin & Squirt.” If I remember correctly, it was even written on no less than a starburst cut-out. With that kind of fanfare we figured the drink must be a 34 Club specialty, thus Gin & Squirts it was for our next round.

They weren’t half-bad, so we decided to have two more Gin & Squirts before we called it a night. I sauntered up to the bar to order them, and the bartender was visibly boggled when I told him what we wanted, pausing to give me a questioning, “Really?” His voice went up an octave or so on the second syllable, and then still in disbelief he added, “You liked those?”

Yes, really. We genuinely enjoyed our Gin & Squirts. If they’d been serving up Bourbon & RC, I would’ve been all over that, too. Welcome to my new obsession of mixing well liquor and third-tier sodas.

I’m going to have to go ahead and draw the line at anything made with Big Red, though.

Next Time on Lunch Blog: I'm gonna go nuts if we don't go to White Castle already.
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Gian-Tony’s Ristorante: 5356 Dagget Ave. | St. Louis, MO 63110

34 Club: 34 North Euclid Ave. | St. Louis, MO 63108

Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 2)

Spuds MacKenzie, you are sorely missed.

Anheuser-Busch Brewery

When we started planning our trip to St. Louis, we thought about going to a museum. However, we ultimately decided to take a tour of the Anheuser-Busch Brewery instead. It’s kind of like a museum, just all about Anheuser-Busch. Plus, free beer. And free beer usually wins.

We arrived at the brewery, signed up for the tour, and began making our way around the lobby to check out all the exhibits detailing the history of Anheuser-Busch. Not that much later, our group was called and we were introduced to our two tour guides. One was the Anheuser-Busch equivalent of NBC’s Kenneth Parcell on 30 Rock, so pure and wide-eyed was his devotion to all things Budweiser. The other one reminded me of Scut Farkus from "A Christmas Story," if Scut Farkus thought he was too cool for school and wore clothes mostly from REI. He didn’t even have on any Anheuser-Busch flair, and thus gets a big zero for effort.

Kenneth and Scut walked us through the grounds of the brewery, which is about the size of a small city. They showed us the Clydesdales, the big tanks of beer, the mash room and all that. While we were looking at the bottling line, Kelly wondered if they ever pulled a Laverne & Shirley, putting a glove on a bottle and waving goodbye as it’s spirited off.

Later in the tour, Kenneth schooled us on Renard the Fox, spokesperson for Bevo, the near beer that Anheuser-Busch sold during prohibition. Renard is a very dapper fox that is frequently depicted munching on a chicken leg with a mug of Bevo at the ready. Needless to say, that is one sly fox I want to hang out with.

Doubting the rest of our tour group was as interested in Natural Light as me, I caught up to Kenneth in between his spiels, and he was totally willing to answer some questions. First and foremost I wanted to know, “How close am I right this very second to fresh Natural Light?"

“About as close as you can get,” Kenneth replied without hesitation. His gusto rivaled that of only Lunch Blog’s friend Dorsett, a man internationally recognized as Natural Light’s #1 enthusiast.

We also learned from Kenneth that because Bud Light is brewed with rice and Natural Light is brewed with corn, if the price of corn and rice were ever to flip-flop, then Natural Light would become Anheuser-Busch’s premium light beer. (I thought that was reasonably intriguing enough to share.)

Kenneth couldn’t tell me jack squat about Anheuser-Busch’s malt liquor products.

When the tour was over, we were led to the hospitality room for our two complimentary beers apiece. I stuck to Budweiser, and Kelly had a Bud Light Golden Wheat followed by a Stella Artois. Meanwhile, our tourmates the Lady Mavs, whose college affiliation and sport was unknown, were settling for sodas.

As we enjoyed our beers, we tried to figure out why these girls who were clearly under 21 had chosen to go to a brewery for their Saturday morning entertainment. One suggestion was that maybe they wanted to see the Clydesdales because the Lady Mavs are a polo team, but that theory was quickly discarded. Kelly and I noticed a couple of the Lady Mavs not too inconspicuously grooving on Scut Farkus, although I’m not sure Scut Farkus did.

On our way back to the car, we stopped for a snack at Gus’ Pretzels, which I found disappointingly unremarkable. Then it was off to visit the Gateway Arch.

Gateway Arch Marketing Team, here is a gimmick for you: As mentioned above, you get free beer at the end of the Anheuser-Busch Brewery tour. When people come down from the top of the Arch, why not give them a free Arch Deluxe?

Just think about it.

Next Time on Lunch Blog: A couple of nice glasses of wine at dinner. A couple of Gin & Squirts at a dive bar after.

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Anheuser-Busch Brewery: 12th & Lynch Streets | St. Louis, MO 63118

Gus’ Pretzels: 1820 Arsenal | St. Louis, MO 63118

Robert & Kelly Go to St. Louis (Part 1)

A city blessed so abundantly with White Castles. Can't they spare us just one?

Kelly and I had been feeling the need to get out of town for awhile, so when we had our first open weekend in forever, we decided to take a road trip to St. Louis. I figured we could stop at White Castle, tour a brewery, stop at White Castle, check out the Gateway Arch, stop at White Castle and so forth.

After careful negotiation it was decided that we would stop at White Castle exactly once. Rather, among other things, we'd get some crepes downtown and visit The Hill for Italian food. So we dropped off the kiddo, gassed up the car, grabbed a couple of QuikTrip taquitos -- and we were off.

Pi Pizzeria

Kelly found this place while doing some online recon before we left KC, and noting that it's a favorite of the Obamas, we made Pi Pizzeria our Friday night destination.

The hostess told us it would be an hour before we were seated, so we stepped up to the bar to get beers. Seeing as how we were in St. Louis, we each chose a selection from Schlafly -- Kelly got the Pale Ale, and I opted for the Saison. While I was standing at the bar, I heard Schlafly pronounced three distinctly different ways: Shay-flee, Shaf-lee, and Shuh-laugh-lee.

Since it was a nice night, we sat down at one of the tables outside on the sidewalk. There we started to notice that everybody in St. Louis looks vaguely familiar. Not like people we used to know or anything -- just people we'd seen around in various locales. Like those random people you've got a few of the same classes with in college but never talk to, or are always at the same shows you're at.

The pizza was totally worth the wait. We ordered the Chicago-style deep-dish South Side Classico pie, subbing in green olives and black olives for green pepper and onions. Made with cornmeal, the crust was super-chewy on the bottom, but had a nice crunch at the top of the edges.

You can't tell how delicious it was from this picture. We were at a table near the back of the restaurant, so in deference to our fellow diners I turned my camera's flash off, and the resulting photo came out so bad you can barely even tell it's pizza. People try to pass off pictures of Bigfoot that are clearer than this.

There's a sign at Pi that says Provel and has a circle and a slash drawn through it. I know I'm in the minority of people that like St. Louis-style pizza, but I was surprised to find out that apparently even the people in St. Louis don't seem to care for it all that much.

Benton Park Cafe

Saturday morning, I checked out Urbanspoon to find someplace to go for breakfast, and was immediately intrigued by Benton Park Cafe for two reasons. First, beer biscuits. Second, breakfast pizza. Plus, it's totally within walking distance of the Anheuser-Busch brewery, which we were planning to tour that afternoon.

We looked over the menu in greater detail once we got there, and despite some good looking omelettes, we stuck with ordering the Classic Pizza and beer biscuits and gravy. I will mention that Benton Park Cafe also offers a knife and fork pancake sandwich called McGrittl This, and I'm fairly certain that name isn't legally sound.

I'm glad to confirm that both our breakfast choices were winners. The beer bread flavor of the biscuits was excellent, and the gravy was unexpectedly spicy. The Classic Pizza comes topped with egg, mushroom, onion, tomato, bacon and cheese -- and it marked the second killer crust we got in St. Louis.

Kelly was such a fan of the crust that she started trying to figure out the recipe. She asked what was in it, and while all our server could tell us was that garlic salt somehow factored in and the crust is stuffed with cheese, Kelly did some online sleuthing and found this once we got back to KC.

Didn't even occur to us that the pizza would be a full-size pie, thus easily serving two, but it was and along with the biscuits and gravy we had way too much food. That said, no edges of the pizza's crust were left behind.

When our server dropped off our bill, she also asked me if I wanted a to-go cup for my coffee. Attention all breakfast places: This practice is now mandatory, and your compliance is appreciated.

Next Time on Lunch Blog: On to the Anheuser-Busch brewery. There were college kids there, so it must be educational.

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Pi Pizzeria: 6144 Delmar Boulevard | St. Louis MO 63112

Benton Park Cafe: 1900 Arsenal Street | St. Louis MO 63118

Carny Surprise

It was between making this or Funnel Cake au Gratin.

Did you hear about the Casserole Party hosted by Emily Farris at Pryde's Old Westport last week? Sounds like it was wicked awesome, but alas, we weren't able to be there. Besides, the only casserole I've ever made is a little something called Carny Surprise, and since it's a modification of Taste of Home's Corn Dog Casserole, I doubted it was eligible for the big night.

True, the rules of the Casserole Party state that you can manipulate a pre-published recipe to make it your own. And while I've made a few changes to the Corn Dog Casserole recipe that might technically allow it to qualify, I still feel obligated to add a disclaimer that Carny Surprise is perhaps best described as a “straight-up rip-off.”

The deal is thus -- there are three big differences between Carny Surprise and Corn Dog Casserole. First, the Taste of Home recipe calls for a scant one-and-a-half pounds of hot dogs. Knowing there's no way that could ever even come close to possibly being enough, however, I double that.

That's right. Three pounds of hot dogs.

I don't use just any hot dogs, either. In order to more authentically evoke the seedy flavor of carny folk heritage, I go for “Old-Fashioned Wieners” from McGonigle's Market. Sure, at $4.99 a pound, they're mighty expensive, but they're worth it for both the delicious taste and unbeatable snap. Everything else in this recipe is dirt cheap, though, so it evens out.

The second difference is that Carny Surprise is to be served with a barrel of yellow mustard for topping.

The third difference is that I cut down the celery and the green onions to one cup each. I'm not quite sure what celery is bringing to the party anyway.

So it was a bummer to miss the casserole party, but it just so happened that this month's agency luncheon here at the office had the same theme -- and that was all the excuse I needed to get my casserole on and whip up a batch of Carny Surprise.

Ingredients

• 3 lbs hot dogs, cut into coins (I recommend getting the best quality dogs available, if possible from the meat counter)
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 cup sliced green onions (two bunches should do it)
• 1 cup diced celery
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
• 2 packages Jiffy corn bread mix (8½ ounces each, 17 ounces total)
• 1½ cups milk
• 2 teaspoons rubbed sage
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• Barrel of yellow mustard

Recipe

1. In the largest pan you have, saute celery in butter for 5 minutes on medium heat. Add onions, and saute for 3 more minutes. Place in a bowl and set aside.
2. In the same pan, saute the hot dogs for 5 minutes or until lightly browned. Add to the bowl with the celery and onions. Stir it all up real good, and set aside 2 cups.
3. In the largest bowl you have, combine eggs, milk, sage and pepper. Stir in the cornbread mix, and add remaining hot dog mixture. Add 1½ cups of cheese. Spread into a 3 quart baking dish. Top with the reserved 2 cups of hot dog mixture and the remaining ½ cup of cheese.
4. Bake uncovered at 400 degrees for 30 minutes or until golden brown.
5. Serve the Carny Surprise alongside the yellow mustard barrel for topping.

Here's a warning -- after standing over a pan while sauteing three pounds of hot dogs, you will absolutely smell like hot dogs for the rest of the day.

Did I say warning? What I meant was, “Here's the best part.”

30 Rock's Cheesy Blasters

Don't leave us hanging, Meatcat!

What is a Cheesy Blaster, you ask? Watch this and find out.

They sound awesome, right? And while we've waited and waited and waited so patiently for Meatcat to arrive on his magic skateboard and bring us Cheesy Blasters, he's totally giving us the cold shoulder. Not cool, Meatcat. Not cool.

Clearly, we had no choice but to take matters into our own hands and make a batch of Cheesy Blasters ourselves. Here's how we did it.

Ingredients

• Hot dogs
• 8 oz bag shredded jack cheese (NOT pepper jack, just plain jack)
• 8 oz bag shredded mozzarella cheese
• Can of pizza sauce
• Pepperoni
• Tube of thin crust pizza dough

A note on the hot dogs: We used Johnsonville Stadium Style Beef Franks since they were the biggest I could find, hence more room for jack cheese. Once the Cheesy Blasters were assembled, though, we had a leftover pizza lump, so I think this recipe could easily accommodate any standard 8-to-a-pack hot dogs. Unless they're turkey dogs, the inclusion of which in Cheesy Blasters would be nothing less than morally wrong. Same goes for turkey pepperoni. I wish we'd gotten a picture of the leftover pizza lump -- there was something truly disturbing about it. It looked like it might start to scoot away of its own accord, like the raisin concoction John Cusack's mom made in Better Off Dead.

Recipe

1. Preheat oven to temperature stated on the pizza crust directions.
2. Assemble pizza. We went in the order of pizza crust, pizza sauce, cheese and then a protective barrier of pepperoni in hopes of minimizing mozzarella/jack co-mingling.
3. Cook hot dogs on stovetop according to package directions.
4. Cut a slit lengthwise in the hot dogs, and stuff with jack cheese.
5. Cut pizza into strips, not quite as wide as the length of the hot dog. You want some hot dog overhang coming out of each end.
6. Roll a hot dog in each pizza strip. If at all possible, try to roll it so that the seam of the pizza ends up on the bottom but the jack cheese in the hot dog faces upward, thus preventing too much cheese from oozing out as it melts.
7. Bake according to pizza crust directions, until golden brown. Don't forget to spray your baking sheet with Pam.

Boom! You got Cheesy Blasters!

No shocker, they turned out pretty delicious -- at least the sum of their parts. It probably helped that by the time our Cheesy Blasters came out of the oven, we were a couple of Old Styles into the evening. If there's anything bad to say about the Cheesy Blasters at all, it's that I envisioned them looking somewhat more cylindrical, and not so much like Hot Pockets.

Actually, here's the worst thing about Cheesy Blasters: It's nigh-impossible to get the jingle out of your head. Seriously, it's starting to drive me batty.

Meatcat, please come hang out with us. We'll even sweeten the deal with all the Old Style you can drink. How can you turn that down?

King Buffet

Strip malls are the new castles.

So is King Buffet a Chinese buffet or a Japanese buffet? In the waiting area there's a giant mural of the Great Wall of China. However, they've also got an entree called Japanese Chicken. Then again, the buffet has Mexican food as well, so whatever. It doesn't matter. Really we just wanted massive plates of fried in sauce.

Studying the mural while we were waiting to be seated, Steve said with awe, “It's just like being there -- on a really blue day.” Shortly thereafter we were shown to our table, and I made my first trip to the buffet for a bowl of hot & sour soup and some appetizers. I got crab rangoon, chicken teriyaki on a stick, some fried pork dumplings that were 300% more doughy than any dumpling I've ever encountered before, a pork and shrimp Dim Sum concoction, and everybody's favorite traditional Chinese delicacy, cheese nuggets.

But the highlight was the Dragon Roll. Tug pointed to it and asked me what was in it. “Dragon,” I said.

Nick countered, “I think it's actually imitation dragon meat. Like K-Rab.”

“You mean it's Dee-Ragon?,” I asked.

“Yeah,” confirmed Nick.

Plates two and three were entrees. Like the appetizer selection, pretty much all the usual Chinese buffet suspects are present and accounted for. Your General Tso, your sesame chicken, your lo mein and fried rice, etc. And each one tasted about like they taste at every other Chinese buffet -- vaguely Asian with only slight variation in flavor from dish to dish. Which is exactly what we were in the mood for, even if it doesn't sound as good when you spell it out like that, though.

I should note that King Buffet does have two items I hadn't seen elsewhere.

• House Special Chicken: I liked this quite a bit. Mostly because it had mushrooms in it, not because it tastes any different than anything else on the buffet.
• Peanut Butter Chicken: First bite was awesome. Second bite less so. After the third bite, I never wanted to taste this again. Do not put more than two bites of this on your plate.

King Buffet also has sushi. Now I like sushi and everything, and this sushi looked fine, but buffet sushi, uh, well...thank you, but no. Yet between that and the soft taco -- technically more of a tiny burrito, I believe -- I probably should've braved the sushi. The soft taco tasted like it came out of a can.

Again, all we were looking for was fried in sauce, so barring my third bite of Peanut Butter Chicken and that soft taco, as buffets go this wasn't bad. Perhaps even slightly above average, thanks to the Dragon Roll and the mushrooms in the House Special Chicken. Although there weren't any Chinese donuts, and that totally blows.

Maybe it's a Japanese buffet after all.

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1601 West 23rd Street | Lawrence, KS 66046