The Foundry

Retrolicious.

I’ll say it right now, I love a lot of crappy food. That’s not to say “food that is terrible” -- more like “food that is terrible for you.” That also seems to be the central philosophy of The Foundry, the new bar and restaurant from the McCoy’s crew. The Foundry totally embraces the feel good times of the ‘70s turning into the ‘80s through its décor, design and utter disregard for what you’re putting in your body. And I couldn’t be happier.

The first time I went to The Foundry was for some Friday lunchtime culinary Armageddon with Zach, Scott and Wells. I almost ordered the gorgonzola-stuffed Bleu Moon Burger, before choosing a different burger, the Velveeta-stuffed Juicy Lucy with a side of onion rings. Scott got the Juicy Lucy, too, while Zach liked the sound of the buffalo chicken Kid Dyn-O-Mite sandwich and fries. Wells got the Bubba Melt, a half-pound burger topped with onion rings, American cheese, Dr Pepper barbecue sauce and mayo. But then he really made the rest of us look like amateurs by adding on the Loaded Tots. Piled with chili, cheese and sour cream, these tots handily trumped all our other sides.

When our burgers arrived, those of us preparing to experience a Juicy Lucy were issued a warning to let it sit for five minutes or risk a hot cheese explosion. The Juicy Lucy comes wrapped in paper like you’re at an old school burger joint, probably to help contain the molten cheese core until it cools to a less face-melting temperature. The wait was worth it -- the Juicy Lucy is a delicious monstrosity that any cigarette-smoking black-and-white television doctor would be falling over himself to recommend.

The Foundry also boasts a wide array of beers and unique mixed drinks, the Buzz Aldrin Tangtini being the only instance I’ve ever seen of using Pop Rocks to lace the rim of a glass. In the course of waiting for our food, we discovered that the red, blush and white house wines translated respectively to Mad Dog, Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill and Riunite. Spotting our co-worker Schlosser eating at another table with his wife, we sent over a glass of the house blush with our compliments -- a gesture they later returned. Classy ‘til the end, those two.

I liked The Foundry so much I insisted we do the next Guys’ Night there so Robert could check it out. Getting the Juicy Lucy was no question, but with too many contenders for a second entrée, we took that as an opportunity to order the Loaded Tots for an appetizer to help get the wheels turning while we contemplated our order over a couple of the McCoy's beers that were on special. Although a number of the sandwiches sounded tasty, we ended up going with the El Diablo, a pizza with chorizo sausage, barbecue chicken, red onion, pepper jack cheese, smoked gouda, mozzarella, provolone, fire-roasted salsa, jalapenos and siriracha hot sauce. Truly we cannot resist the prospect of spicy food.

A bit disappointing that somehow El Diablo turned out to be way milder than anticipated. I think maybe it was trying to do so much that the end result turned into kind of a jumbled mess. However, its excellent pale ale crust would probably go well with any of the more traditional pies.

El Diablo notwithstanding, I’ll be heading back to The Foundry for more soon. This is the kind of place where you can’t go wrong with a majority of the menu, so fear not about trying something new. Here’s a simple rule to follow: If it sounds like it’ll be good, it probably will be. If it sounds suspect, like in the case of the Kissinger -- salmon on a pizza? -- just say no. Nancy Reagan has your back.
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424 Westport Road | Kansas City, MO 64111

The Art Of Pizza

How I got my lunch picking privileges revoked.

I think I owe an apology to everyone that went to lunch with me at the Art of Pizza today.

Seemed like a good idea at the time. It’s a nice day out so we could walk over, have a slice or whatever, and get back to the office no problem. It’s not like the Art of Pizza is ever busy.

We sat down and ordered. I got a slice of pepperoni and a Pane Stuffata -- an Italian bread with baked-in herbs, and stuffed with salami, pepperoni, ham, fresh mozzarella and tomato. The menu advised that the Pane Stuffata takes about 15 minutes to make, but that didn’t strike me as a big deal since getting a couple of slices would probably take five to ten minutes anyway.

Moments after the waitress took my order, I heard “Heart of the Sunrise” by Yes come on. I was all, “Sweet!” Seeing as how that prog-rock epic clocks in at about 11 minutes, I figured it was a safe assumption that my lunch would arrive shortly thereafter.

So 40 minutes later, we got our food. Need I mention that the only people eating in consisted of our party of six? During that time, a few people stopped by to get slices to go, but it didn’t seem like they were getting their food particularly quick, either. Yes, more than one Pane Stuffata was ordered at our table -- if the 15 minute cooking time is cumulative, I would have appreciated a heads up.

Meanwhile, across the street Pizza Bella is doing gangbusters. Always packed. I do have some sympathy for the Art of Pizza -- it’s got to be a bummer to have Pizza Bella with it’s gourmet wood-fired pies and fancy decor open up about the same time you do. Having Pizza Bella right there probably even makes the Art of Pizza look more utilitarian than it truly is. That said, the Art of Pizza is still kind of dark and sketchy, and unfortunately not in that charming dive kind of way. For a restaurant that’s empty at lunch on a Friday, they sure didn’t seem all that excited to see six hungry guys walk through their door.

Bottom line, I think the food at the Art of Pizza is alright. It’s not a destination spot, but if you’re in the mood for a New York-style slice of pizza, taste-wise you could do worse. Was the Art of Pizza fast like an actual New York pizza joint, I’d probably add it to the list of Lunchtime Clutchtime options. It’s just not “Wait 40 Minutes” good.

While we were there, some lady came in and asked where Pizza Bella was. I bet they get that a lot.
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1801 Baltimore Avenue | Kansas City, MO 64108

Hamburger Helper Stroganoff

Goes well with: avocado colored kitchens, wood paneling, key parties.

What with the summer TV shortage, Robert’s been watching way too much Swingtown -- that ‘70s-set show getting him all fired up to make a box of the era’s suburban kitchen staple, Hamburger Helper. Flavors we considered included Salisbury, Lasagna and Chili Mac, before we settled on Stroganoff. It seemed like the kind that people in the Me Decade would’ve most likely deemed classy.

To go with it beer-wise, we were thinking maybe Michelob, maybe Lowenbraü. But at the liquor store I decided to get a couple of others. First, Molson Canadian Light, because what better way to say you’re a worldly man of the ‘70s than beer imported all the way from Canada?

Then, since Swingtown takes place specifically during America’s Bicentennial Year of 1976, to celebrate our own country's heritage I got Lemp St. Louis -- America’s First Lager Beer. By no means, however, can Lemp claim to be America’s Best Lager Beer. It’s terrible. I have a suspicion that Lemp hasn’t changed its recipe since it was first brewed, or at least since prohibition, back when any beer was good beer. The Lemp label does make reference to beer barons, though, which made me laugh and think of Homer Simpson vs. Rex Banner. I wonder if Lemp was ever smuggled in bowling balls.

Good thing we had plenty of beer handy -- while Hamburger Helper Stroganoff has a delicious creamy flavor, it is also heavily salted down. I don’t think you’ll ever find another more neutral-colored dish, either. Everything came out the same beige color. Even the meat. Much like a swinger’s party, you may enjoy Hamburger Helper when you’re in the moment, but after it’s all over, you’re left with nothing except a big old empty bowl of regret.

In honor of just about the only other thing besides Swingtown on TV right now -- the Olympics -- we’d planned to watch Gymkata tonight, too. Somehow neither one of us has ever seen this ‘80s classic. Tagline: “A new kind of martial arts combat! The skill of gymnastics. The kill of karate.” Due to a Netflix meltdown, however, we got rooked out of that. Next we tried to get Lost Boys: The Tribe, figuring Autumn Reeser plus an R rating has to have something going for it, but I couldn’t find a copy.

So I ended up getting Doomsday. It is to post-apocalyptic sci-fi movies what Lemp St. Louis is to lager beer. It really says something when you’re rooting for the cannibals and the end-of-what’s-left-of-civilization virus to win.

Whataburger

Pictured: Not the only Whataburger in America.

The Whatafarm is a burger topped with a breaded chicken patty, bacon, cheese and a fried egg. I first learned of it when Zach IM’ed me a link to the Seven Hamburgers of the Apocalypse. They say it’s “an entire farm in a burger.”

Talk about timing. In just a few days I’d be taking a road trip to Louisiana with the wife and kid -- and there was totally a Whataburger on our route. Score.

After a long day in the car, when we finally got there I was mad hungry. I walked up to the counter and ordered a Whatafarm, only for the lady at the register to look at me as if I was talking a brand new kind of malarkey -- which would be a feat considering Whataburger is open 24/7 so you know they get some crazies.

Tentatively attempting to make sense of my gibberish, she asked me, “The what...a...what?” I tried to explain that the Whatafarm is a menu item that I had seen on the Internet that apparently some other Whataburgers offered. She seemed to find the concept of multiple Whataburger locations to be equally daunting. “Other...Whataburgers?” Cutting my losses, I opted to just suck it up and order a double meat Whataburger.

Now, I’ve had Whataburger before, but my experience may or may not need an asterisk by it -- I was in Tulsa with the Pfannenstiel brothers after seeing a show at Cain’s, home of sixers of Bud for sale still in the rings. Not to mention I’m guessing the Iron Chefs of the Whataburger empire aren’t scheduled for 104 bla’glock in the morning (not a time or a measurement of time, per David Cross). So while the burgers served at that hour may be worthy of the average customer’s condition, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re up to Whataburger’s A-game.

I’m glad to report that my burger today was way tasty. Certainly the least greasy, freshest-tasting fast food burger I’ve had. Nicely toasted bun with two juicy patties, a couple of slices of melty cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles and mustard. Better yet, orange and white mints for after you’re done!

Add the double meat Whataburger to the list of fast food I wish I could get in Kansas City. Straight-up delicious, no gimmicks -- I’m looking at you, Burger King’s Loaded Steakhouse Burger.

I still want the Whatafarm, though. To that end, I’ve confirmed the closest Whataburger is in fact four hours away in Tulsa, Okla.

I’m thinking about it. Hey, Jeff and Ryan -- when are we going back to Cain’s?

UPDATE 10/23/08: Shaw found scoop on what up with the Whatafarm. This changes nothing.
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This location was somewhere in or near Shreveport, La.

Blanc Burgers + Bottles

I feel like I have to wear a tie to impress my burger.

For guys’ night this month we checked out Blanc Burgers + Bottles, a highfalutin’ burger joint in Westport. The gourmet burger is a tough draw. On one hand, it’s great to get something fairly commonplace done really well. But on the other, if you’re used to paying about $8 total for a burger and fries, you may feel a sting when you get the bill.

There’s no shortage of options when it comes to the bottles at Blanc. Aside from the 100+ beers, there’s all kinds of soda and other choices ranging from the standards to the questionable -- Root Beer Milk, anyone? If you want, you can have a milkshake, soda float or even a beer float.

This being guys’ night, we stuck to the beers -- non-float, thank you very much. Out of the ones we had, the big winner was Harviestoun’s Old Engine Oil Black Ale, a stout with a flavor characterized on the bottle as viscous, chocolatey and roasty. Despite having recently had a bad experience with Arcadia Ales’ Scottish Ale, Robert went ahead and tried that brewery’s HopMouth Double IPA and liked it quite a bit. I thought it tasted like dirt, although to be fair I’m not a fan of IPAs.

Looking at the menu, both Robert and I immediately gravitated toward the Pork Burger and its promise of a crispy, slow cooked patty. We decided to split that and another burger -- but we had trouble choosing between the pepper-crusted Au Poivre with its creamy green peppercorn sauce, or the American Kobe, mainly because how often do you get to have a $12 burger? (That $12 does not include a side, by the way.) Sadly, Blanc was out of the Pork Burger, so that took care of that.

We couldn’t taste the $12 in the American Kobe. It was pretty much just a burger. The Au Poivre was a completely different story, though -- so perfectly spicy, I may have blacked out a little eating it.

Sides are on the menu a la carte, literally served in small stainless steel shopping carts. We got an excellent order of Boulevard Pale Ale Onion Rings that were crunchy and heavily battered. We also got the truffle fries, which were good, but in retrospect I would have gone with the sweet potato fries. Big ups to the homemade condiments -- out of the three varieties that each side comes with, the chipotle aioli and mustard are pretty fantastic.

Voytek was with us, too. Apparently the ladies at the next table were eavesdropping -- as they were leaving, one of them told us, “I found your conversation to be very interesting.” This was highly suspect, as while I can’t say with 100% certainty what we were talking about, I’m pretty sure it was some kind of comic book minutiae. Then she told us to check out her community radio program that airs at 3 in the morning, and we figured out what was really up.

All in all, good food and good beers, even if I did have some sticker shock when my bill came to just over $30. Especially considering I’d had only the equivalent of a burger and side plus three beers. Admittedly, they were fancy beers, but that still feels a bit extravagant. The time to go to Blanc is lunch -- that’s when you can get a burger and half side for only $8.

UPDATE 7/25/08: We went back a couple of weeks later with some coworkers for lunch so we could try the Pork Burger -- Robert was so looking forward to it, he said if they didn’t have it this time he was “going to experience a meltdown of epic proportions.”

Bummer that the Pork Burger was merely okay, not so much crispy as simply a patty of shredded pork. We got to try the sweet potato fries this time around, and those lived up to our expectations. Robert ordered a Mexican Coke, made with pure cane sugar unlike American Coke, but couldn’t tell much of a difference in sweetness between that and the stateside variety.

Trust us -- if you go, we highly recommend the Au Poivre with either sweet potato fries or onion rings. That’s the ticket.
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419 Westport Road | Kansas City, MO 64114

Chili's

Finish your plate -- there are people starving at T.G.I. Friday's.

Continuing our trend of Megachain Restaurant Fridays, today we visited Applebee’s classier counterpart Chili’s to enjoy some good old-fashioned, over-complicatedly named gorgery -- for naming menu items is definitely one area where Chili’s destroys the competition. Take for example this 13-syllable juggernaut: Smokehouse Bacon Triple-the-Cheese Big Mouth Burger. It’s a mouthful.

Robert and I ordered up a Jalapeno Smokehouse Bacon Big Mouth Burger, and the Baby Back Ribs Mix & Match Combo with a half rack each of Habanero and Memphis Dry Rub. The ribs came with two sides, affording us the opportunity when asked which two we wanted to reply, “Mashed potatoes. Both kinds.” For the record, those are loaded mashed potatoes, which have all your standard baked potato toppings, and mashed potatoes with black pepper gravy.

If that sounds like a gigantic amount of food, well, that’s because it was. Overall I was really impressed with the way the burger balanced a good amount of flavor with the heat of the jalapenos. The ribs were okay -- between the two flavors I liked the habanero sauce better. The mashed potatoes were both decent, but I’d recommend the black pepper gravy if you’re only getting one.

Side Note: One reason I prefer Chili’s to Applebee’s is that nowhere on their menu will you find anything called “Riblets.” Riblets sound gross. It makes me think of the McRib sandwich with that meat patty molded to look like it’s still got bones in it, the finished effort roughly as convincing as if they’d used a Play-Doh barbecue playset to make it. Shudder.

As for the rest of our party, Zach got the Triple Dipper, Dylan got the Southern Smokehouse Bacon Big Mouth Burger and Scott went with the Fajita Quesadilla -- although how Chili’s missed naming it the Fajitadilla escapes me. Wells got the aforementioned Smokehouse Bacon Triple-the-Cheese Big Mouth Burger, but refused to utter its ridiculous name out loud, rather just pointing to it on the menu and saying, “That one.”

I picked the wrong day to wear a black polo and jeans, since when we got there I discovered that also happens to be your standard Chili’s server outfit. The guys tried to get me to walk around chatting up customers and handing out cards like I was the manager, but I was a chicken.

Oops, I mean an Apple-Marinated Pepper Lime Chick-O-Tastito.

Lunch Blog Fun-tivity Zone!
Combine anywhere between three to 12 words below and make your own delicious Chili’s entrée!

Applewood • Burger • Chicken • Bacon • Lime • Chipotle • Southwestern • Buffalo • Shanghai • Jerk • Rib • Ciabatta • Aioli • Smoked • Crispy • Fajita • Cheese • Beef • Mini • Triple • Zesty • Shrimp • Watermelon • Gargantuan • Margarita • Jalapeno • Habanero • Sandwich
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5880 Antioch | Mission, KS 66202

Burger King Loaded Steakhouse Burger

Bestowed unto you by royal decree of his starchy majesty.

I pulled into Burger King thinking I’d get my usual -- Double Stacker, Chicken Fries and onion rings. But that was before the Loaded Steakhouse Burger caught my eye.

At first, it seemed to be nothing more than a glorified bacon cheeseburger doused with A1 in an uninspired attempt to legitimize calling it “steakhouse.” Things didn’t get truly interesting until I saw the baked potato topping. It’s like they spread a scoop of cafeteria-style mashed potatoes across the upper half of the bun.

My first thought was, “Gross!” My second thought was, “I’m totally getting that.”

The Loaded Steakhouse Burger did not disappoint. The baked potato topping gives the bun a kind of extra starchy, creamy chewiness that keeps the bacon and the crispy onions in line. Meanwhile, it’s greasy anarchy down below with the 100% Angus beef, melty cheese and A1 steak sauce.

This burger deserves some fanfare for sheer audacity alone. However, after reading the following excerpt from a defiantly stone-faced yet technically correct press release, I have to wonder if Burger King is trying to pull a fast one or if they actually realize what it really is they’re selling here.

“Our new Steakhouse Burgers offer the indulgence of an entire steak dinner at a fraction of the cost,” said Russ Klein, president, global marketing, strategy and innovation, Burger King Corp.

Well, uh, okay, I guess -- I mean, if you consider a trip to the Sizzler an indulgence. Let me be clear, I am a fan of the Loaded Steakhouse Burger. But with all due respect, Mr. Klein, I don’t think anybody is going to mistake this for a trip to Plaza III.