Monday, October 31, 2011

Fast Food Mascot Halloween Costumes That Aren't For Kids

Shaw did some new illustrations for this guest post I wrote for The Pitch's Fat City last Halloween. Enjoy...if you dare.

Ronald McDonald is a friend to all children. Ronald McDonald with an ax? Not so much. Here are five Halloween costume ideas based on fast food mascots and how to make them.

5. Wendy the Roller Warrior: Rebelling against the wishes of her father, Dave Thomas, Wendy is trading in old-fashioned hamburgers for a life on the track. Who knew she was such a badass?

Dress like Wendy, and add elbow pads, knee pads, a helmet and roller skates. Or, to go a more traditional Halloween route, just be Slutty Wendy.

4. Little Bloody Caesar: Little Caesar's many enemies are Hot-N-Ready to bring the value-price dictator's tyranny to an end -- they've stabbed him 23 times, the fatal wound tragically administered by his own spear.

Don an orange toga decorated with Crazy Sauce stab wounds, accessorize with laurel leaves and sandals, and rig a spear with a pizza on the end to look like it's punctured you. Et tu, Papa John?

3. Headless Jack in the Box: CEO Jack Box, of Jack in the Box Inc., has a secret. Years ago when he fought in the American Revolutionary War, he was decapitated and cursed to wander this Earth as a ghost. But be not sad for Jack -- he has achieved so much, building a fast-food empire despite his everyday struggles as an oversized toy with a severed head who is also technically dead.

Wear a suit and tie with the collar pulled over your head, and craft a Jack in the Box head out of a large styrofoam ball.

2. Zombie Colonel Sanders: The Colonel has returned from the grave, and he's got a hankering for human flesh coated in his secret blend of 11 herbs and spices.

Dress up in a Southern gentleman's garb, slather your face in zombie makeup, and carry around a bucket with an gnawed arm coming out of it. Our original thought was Zombie Dave Thomas, but that could be easily misconstrued for Zombie Used Car Salesman or Zombie Algebra Teacher. Zombie Clara "Where's the Beef?" Peller could work, though.

1. Serial Killer Hamburglar: It was inevitable. First, the Hamburglar's love of McDonald's turned him to a life of petty crime, and now he has developed the urge to kill.

Serial Killer Hamburglar is never without his trusty meat cleaver, and has mementos of his victims pinned inside his cloak -- one of Ronald McDonald's large red shoes, a lock of purple fur from Grimace, and a couple of McNugget Buddies with Xs for eyes.

A bonus to this costume is that if you get stuck talking to somebody at a party, all you have to do to get out of it is start rubbing your hands together and repeatedly mutter, "Robble, robble...I'ma kill somebody."