Dunkin' Donuts Egg White Turkey Sausage Flatbread

Don't trust egg whitey.

In a hurry to scoot out of the house to run some errands the other morning, I accidentally skipped breakfast so I decided to stop in at Dunkin' Donuts for the first time since they opened in KC. They've got those flatbread sandwiches that are supposed to be not entirely horrible for you, at least relative to something like a McGriddle. A delicious, delicious McGriddle.

I stepped up to the counter and ordered an Egg White Turkey Sausage Flatbread and an extra large cup of coffee. And feeling pretty good about that healthy decision, I went ahead and got a chocolate glazed donut, too.

Come on -- they have a wall loaded with donuts from top to bottom and it was staring me down. I blinked, and the donut wall won. Who am I to resist?

Sitting down with my food, as I unwrapped my sandwich I started to grow a little wary of it. Egg whites taste close enough to full-on eggs that I'm fine with them, but they also tend to look like the foodstuff version of a dry erase board. Plus, what with the way these egg whites contrasted against the deep green bits of spinach that were cooked in, they looked even filmier.

Curiously, despite there not being much visible sausage in the egg whites, each bite still had some sausage flavor in it. Otherwise, the sandwich was pretty bland, and the cardboardy bread certainly wasn't doing it any favors, either. Sure, it's less than 300 calories, but disappointments like this are why trying to eat healthy outside the house is no fun...

…said the guy who also got a donut. Which is me.

Alas, my donut was a letdown as well. I don't think I've had Dunkin' Donuts since I lived in Wichita, but I seem to recall the chocolate glazed donuts being way more intensely chocolate. This one, however, tasted only vaguely chocolate-ish -- like a third-tier off-brand Cocoa Puffs. At least a step below Coco Roos. (Speaking of cereal, anybody remember Dunkin' Donuts Cereal from the late '80s? I hunted around online, but couldn't find the commercial with Fred the Baker staggering out of bed because it was "time to make the little donuts.")

And while I've never confused donuts with health food, until I was writing this I had no idea one of these things weighed in at 370 calories. How long until we figure out how to make turkey chocolate?

People seem to be pretty bonkers for Dunkin' Donuts coffee, so I thought at least I'd finally get to see what all the fuss was about, but once my drink finally cooled down it didn't taste any better than your average burgerdoodle brew. After my first sip, I couldn't muster much enthusiasm for the rest of my monster cup.

Really, all this is my own fault for attempting to make a healthy choice at a fast food place. Next time I'm just going to go ahead and get the McGriddle. With hot fudge on the side for dipping.

(Egg White Turkey Sausage Flatbread: $2.99, chocolate glazed donut: 89 cents, extra large cup of coffee: $2.09, cereal image from Woosk.com)

Dan's Longbranch Steakhouse

Tonight's entertainment: ZZ Not.

When Shaw told me the Wednesday night specials at Dan's Longbranch Steakhouse are $5 for a pound of wings with fries and $2 domestics, I thought that sounded like it was worth checking out. Cheap wings and cheap beers are a good combination. But I got really excited when I took a look at the restaurant's website and saw that Longbranch has a pinball machine. Cheap wings and cheap beers plus pinball is a combination that's unbeatable.

I didn't even care that the machine was a pinball version of Big Buck Hunter. I'm not really big into hunting, but with pinball becoming increasingly scarce, I'll play whatever table I can find -- even if bludgeoning your prey with a heavy silver ball does seem a little severe to me.

While Shaw and I were fine with the domestic special, we had our friend Dan along with us, and since he's something of a beer nut he decided to rock some Boulevard's Bob's '47 instead. Shaw grabbed the three of us a bowl of peanuts, and we ordered our wings. Decently sized, our pound came out to nine wings total, but taste-wise I didn't catch a lot of heat off them. Not the best I've ever had, yet far from the worst.

We also each got burgers -- the chili cheeseburger for Shaw, the blue cheese burger for me, and Dan felt obligated to try Dan's Barnyard Burger. When the chili cheeseburger and the blue cheese burger arrived, I thought they looked a little skimpy on toppings. However, there was actually just enough of the good stuff on them to complement Longbranch's excellent patties, which may have otherwise been overwhelmed. The blue cheese burger came with some habanero sauce that gave it a nice bit of zip, too.

As for Dan's Barnyard Burger, topping overload is clearly the point. I think you know what you're getting into when you order a burger with a fried egg, three slices of cheese and three strips of bacon.

After we finished our burgers and settled up, we went in search of the pinball machine and wandered over to The Branch, the bar that's connected to Dan's Longbranch Steakhouse. A cover band was playing, and it was much more hopping over there than on the restaurant side. Although the pinball machine turned out to be Pirates of the Caribbean rather than Big Buck Hunter, alas, it wasn't switched on. Still, we decided to hang out for a couple more beers.

Didn't catch the band's name -- the website says Samantha Fish plays every Wednesday but she must've had this week off, as I'm fairly certain none of these three guys were Samantha Fish. In the six or seven songs we heard, they did ZZ Top's “Sharp Dressed Man,” “La Grange” and “Tush,” as well as Lynyrd Skynyrd's “Free Bird.”

The Branch was pretty busy for a Wednesday, and it looked there were a lot of regulars. In fact, I'm not sure anybody there realized it was a weeknight. I bet the Saturday night karaoke jam there is insane.
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9095 Metcalf Avenue | Overland Park, KS 66212

Boogie vs. the Whatafarm

Meet Boogie the Chubby Asian. He conquered the Whatafarm over the weekend, and even used our diagram to order it. Check out the video of his adventure below.

After watching this, I can feel the initial pangs of a Whatafarm crave coming on. It's been about a year since my last one. Medically speaking, eating more than one Whatafarm within a given 12-month period is not advisable.



Best line of the video: "And also -- vegetables." Congrats on your Whatafarm domination, Boogie! We salute you.

Apparently, you don't even need the diagram to order a Whatafarm at certain Whataburgers, as Boogie notes on his YouTube page that "some locations actually know it by name." I would love to see that transaction.

KC people -- is Winstead's our best bet for creating a monster like this in our city?

Lunch Blog Goes to Fat City: Days 4 & 5

The biggest perk of guesting at Fat City last week? While talking to the Jack in the Box PR department, I scored an invitation to preview night, and you know I couldn't miss that.

It took Kelly and I like an hour to get there, though -- somehow we hit three construction zones, plus a wreck had the highway backed up. But the important thing is I got to have a couple of Jack in the Box tacos.

Here are the rest of my posts from the week.

• Fast food mascot Halloween costumes that aren't for kids
• Boulevard's Nutcracker Ale is an early Christmas present
• Scarrots are a trick just asking for a treat
• Wine and candy: pretty sweet
• Jack in the Box springs into action on Monday
• Market 3's grand opening is tomorrow
• How do you like your pumpkin seeds?

Lunch Blog Goes to Fat City: Days 2 & 3

Here are my posts from Fat City on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Seriously, about that Throwdown with Bobby Flay promo -- am I the only person that it's driving nuts? And you can sign me up for a cupcake challenge anytime.

• Bobby Flay's next Throwdown should be writing a less obnoxious jingle
• Battle of the Dishes: Sugar Momma's vs. Cupcake A La Mode
• Cheesecake Factory tops 'worst foods' list
• Chipotle makes annual Halloween appeal to sad people who value cheap burritos over cool costumes
• Ryan Maybee mixes it up at the Farmhouse tomorrow
• Gordon Ramsay can see you, future MasterChef contestant
• White Castle gets a little garlicky

Lunch Blog Goes to Fat City: Day 1

I'm filling in for The Pitch's food blogger Jonathan Bender while he's on vacation this week. Check out my posts from Fat City today:

• The Next Iron Chef recap: Episode 4
• Two doughnuts not nearly enough at Louisburg Cider Mill
• Carry cash and cut calories? Maybe

Arrowhead Stadium Sandwich Roundup

Your source for all things Chiefs.*
*Assuming all you want to know about are the sandwiches.

McHugh was given some last-minute tickets to the Kansas City Chiefs season opener on Monday, and invited Shaw and I to join him. Despite the rain, I couldn’t have asked for a better first Arrowhead game experience. Whoever had the brilliant idea to book Train to play at halftime and secure victory by boring the San Diego Chargers into submission deserves a raise. That was diabolical.

Plus, making their Arrowhead debut tonight were some new concessions that we absolutely had to try. Here’s what we had, along with an evaluation of each item’s value, keeping in mind that everything at Arrowhead costs twice as much as it should -- $7.75 Miller Lites, anyone?


Bratwurst Burger from The Burger Box by Blanc
It’s a bratwurst patty, topped with jalapenos and melty cheddar on a pretzel bun. Taking nearly everything good about tailgating and fancying it up, this was easily the winner out of tonight’s selections. We paid $9. Is it worth $4.50? Considering Blanc’s usual prices, $9 seems about right.


Red & Gold Short Rib Melt from Tailgaters Grill
By themselves, the pulled short ribs on this sandwich were tender and tasty. However, they got lost in a cheese overload with all that white American and Havarti, not to mention the two thick slices of Parmesan-crusted toast. We paid $11. Is it worth $5.50? More like $3. This sandwich is an intriguing idea, but ultimately comes off as just a glorified grilled cheese.


KC Burnt Ends Cheesesteak from Blaze Burgers & Fries
There was a clear difference between the sandwich pictured and the sandwich we got, but knowing that’s just the rule with food photography, I kept thinking the next bite would be where I found some peppers and onions. Alas, it turned out what we’d been given was simply a burnt end sandwich with cheese -- although McHugh got one from a different Blaze Burgers stand that he said was loaded with toppings. We paid $8.50. Is it worth $4.25? Even without the fixings, it was a passable foodservice barbecue sandwich. But I still want that cheesesteak in the picture.

It was very cool to check out the newly renovated Arrowhead. While I’m not a big sports fan aside from college basketball, I love people-watching and tailgating. I’d only been here one other time, for U2 on the Zoo TV tour in 1992.

The Sugarcubes opened that show, and I actually got to meet Bjork. During the set by the other opening act, The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy, she was watching from out in the audience so I wandered over to introduce myself. I’m sure Bjork would remember. Just ask her about that ultrasuave, short teenager in Kansas City who smelled faintly of Viaka vodka.